Gay Nazi Sex Vicar in Schoolgirl Knickers Vice Disco Lawnmower Shock!
« Sex in societyWind-up »

Do not get on the wrong side of my cat

  Tue 21st July 2015

Faces contorted with hate, the floppy-hatted Prosecco-swigging socialists of Lancashire's anti-fracking rabble loll about plotting their next move.


I have mainly been opposing fracking.

The louche scene above took place at a picnic we held at Lytham windmill to celebrate Lancashire County Council's refusal of the first two fracking applications in the county. The councillors voted 9-2 against, despite what one article called "a morass of pro-fracking bias and legal and scientific misrepresentation from those meant to be providing impartial advice." It was a relief to do something purely enjoyable for a change, rather than standing around for seven hours outside County Hall.

They were long days, but not without their pleasures. And if anyone thinks that the reason I went and spoke to her had anything to do with her strikingly gorgeous face, the beautiful long bunches of the world's best hair colour on a woman, her lovely smile, her fantastic charity shop hat and secondhand dress combo, the latter of which slinked attractively over her lovely hips, well then, I pity you for how shallow you are in your evaluation of women.

We had Farmers Against Fracking drive slowly up the main drag to deliver a trailer-load of frack-free Lancashire produce -- strawberries, eggs, cheese and other things in which we excel. We had the police take over the percussion for a few minutes. I was interviewed by someone from a Norwegian newspaper, and had my fifteen seconds of fame on the news one night on that prominent media organ, Channel 5.

Mid-afternoon at the back end of last month, we all went quiet as the decision was about to be made, huddling around a computer which was relaying the live stream from inside County Hall.

This is how I wrote about it at the time.

I am absolutely exhilarated with the decision to reject fracking in Lancashire today, and am glossy-eyed with pride that Lancashire's county councillors have shown immense courage in the face of intimidation, verbal and written threats, and an Infrastructure Act which begins the task of dismantling planning law that the Conservatives passed as soon as they returned to power.

I am FUCKING PROUD today to be from Lancashire, because standing up to corporate power and the arrogance of these rich kid shits we are governed by, takes guts. We have shown that this county will not be a pushover.

A small socialist sherry was had afterwards, but it's far from over, and there'll be more on this story soon.


You will no doubt not remember my tall, blonde ex-work colleague and long-time neighbour, who sports a fine line in the tight trouser, who turned up on the dancefloor at Morecambe a few weeks ago and requested my complicity in getting rid of her date.

During some flirty banter with her and her mum the other day, I said that I'd bumped into her sister at the beer and wine tasting at the Town Hall. We chatted a while, my head ringing with the knowledge she was single. When I got home I had the idea of inviting her to our wine club meeting. I wrote a note doing this, in which I attempted to continue the flirtatious tone of the evening.

She texted back and said that her daughter was having an exhibition opening that night, in the local yoghurt knitter's bar, but if I were interested in seeing it she'd be happy to meet me there for a drink another day.

Both Tilly and her mum Renee turned up. I had made a bit of an effort, attempting to signal that was interested in something other than her daughter's photography. I was relieved that I had, since Tilly was wearing a beautiful and quite revealing dress in green and cream and a thin margin of black bra. They're both good fun to be around. Scousers, so I don't have to censor my speech.

"The art of wooing is dead," said Tilly. Hmm. Do you think so? She's away with work all this week but I might try to find something to suggest to her for the next.


Thursday was a good day. 1) My actual plastic Booths loyalty card arrived. 2) My youngest just casually mentioned that when she went to Morecambe on Saturday she bought an album by Sun Ra. 3) I concluded a brief meeting with a few young lads in the pub, who joined us on our table, by saying "Right we're fucking off, 'cos you sound like a right bunch of boring cunts," which resulted in laughter and handshakes.

This proves: I am proper middle class; I have finally achieved something as a father; and that I am from Lancashire.


But my most momentous news -- well, apart from a funeral and a wedding, which I'll leave till next time -- is that Trina went on a date.

It's someone we both know from the house music event we go to. Trina said that he talked about himself all the time --- I gather some men even set up websites in which to do this --- and smoked throughout. He made a tea of overcooked pasta on top of which he'd poured a tin of tomatoes, and the apple strudel was shop-bought and microwaved. He said that he bought a dozen copies of a book called "How To DJ." He doesn't DJ himself but in a helpful spirit he's given the book to some of the most practised and talented DJs in the north of England.

The date didn't work, but I'm hoping that this indicates -- finally, after three years -- that Trina is becoming more autonomous.

7 comments

Comment from: furtheron [Visitor]

They call them Blogs… people who whimble on about their own boring lives trying to impress others who have even more boring bloody lives. Honestly… ;-)

I think you lot will be need down here soon there is a lot of talk about the South - East being the new Texas of the UK. Now just the thought of all the chavs in Medway having to wear Stetsons and drive around in big pick ups chewing tobacco should be enough to get the govt to see sense surely?

Wed 22nd July 2015 @ 08:49
Comment from: looby [Visitor]

Yes – we’ll be hiring ourselves out to all and sundry at this rate and the anti-fracking rent-a-mob. The tide’s turning though – you may yet escape as even Cuadrilla admit that fracking in the face of intense local opposition “just isn’t worth it” – in the words of their Chairman.

Sorry I’ve been slack with comments of my own lately but by my leisurely standards it’s been quite a busy few weeks.

Wed 22nd July 2015 @ 11:39

I was on the threshold of sending you a note and demanding an explanation for your absence. For real. Let’s not let that happen again, right?

She’s beautiful! She is so my type. I’m a sucker for the whole girl-next-door vibe. Does she have an accent too? That’d send me right over the edge.

Do you have a link to the Channel 5 interview?

Tilly’s comment about wooing is an open-invitation. It sounds like a dare.

Nobody uses ‘cunt’ here. It’s so heavy. I think you guys have a more caviler attitude towards it.

Trina’s disastrous date is only going to make her miss you all the more. Sorry, but that’s how it works.

Wed 22nd July 2015 @ 11:57
Comment from: [Member]

Yes, nice to see you too again, you old cunt :) (It can mean “pal” as easily as “odious person".)

She is quite a looker and I am afraid Exile that you would probably go weak at the knees with her beautiful (I won’t specify where exactly) Northern accent.

I really took to floppy-hat woman too, (who has the great advantage of being within a few years of me), and her friend out of the picture. We were all half-laying down and I had to stop myself at one point as I found myself leaning towards her in a way that suggested an interest that extended beyond a shared politics.

I’m genuinely not interested in tracking down my slot on Ch 5. The Norwegian newspaper should still be online but it presents one obvious difficulty.

Thanks for backing up how I viewed what Tilly said. I never know whether I over-interpret things to my advantage.

Trina, well – it’s a start. She’s not nearly as hard and uncompromising as me so sometimes ends up being a social worker to all and sundry.

Wed 22nd July 2015 @ 12:28
Comment from: smallbeds [Visitor]

Is there anything in this post not to congratulate you on? Apart from your “FUNK FRACKING” joke, which I won’t mention any further. Bravo, bravo, bravo.

Wed 22nd July 2015 @ 14:15
Comment from: [Member]

Thank you — although I thought the funk fracking was the best bit of it :)

Wed 22nd July 2015 @ 21:30
Comment from: Suzy Southwold [Visitor]

Exile on pain street - doesn’t everyone have an accent? Discuss.

Fri 24th July 2015 @ 19:44


Form is loading...

looby, n.; pl. loobies. A lout; an awkward, stupid, clownish person


M / 59 / Bristol, "the most beautiful, interesting and distinguished city in England" -- John Betjeman [1961, source eludes me].

"Looby is a left-wing intellectual who is obsessed with a) women's clothes and b) tits." -- Joy of Bex.

WLTM literate woman, 40-65. Must have nice tits, a PhD, and an mdma factory in the shed, although the first on its own will do in the short term.


There are plenty of bastards who drink moderately. Of course, I don't consider them to be people. They are not our comrades.
Sergei Korovin, quoted in Pavel Krusanov, The Blue Book of the Alcoholic

I am here to change my life. I am here to force myself to change my life.
Chinese man I met during Freshers Week at Lancaster University, 2008

The more democratised art becomes, the more we recognise in it our own mediocrity.
James Meek

Tell me, why is it that even when we are enjoying music, for instance, or a beautiful evening, or a conversation in agreeable company, it all seems no more than a hint of some infinite felicity existing apart somewhere, rather than actual happiness – such, I mean, as we ourselves can really possess?
Turgenev, Fathers and Sons

I hate the iPod; I hate the idea that music is such a personal thing that you can just stick some earplugs in your ears and have an experience with music. Music is a social phenomenon.
Jeremy Wagner

La vie poetique has its pleasures, and readings--ideally a long way from home--are one of them. I can pretend to be George Szirtes.
George Szirtes

Using words well is a social virtue. Use 'fortuitous' once more to mean 'fortunate' and you move an English word another step towards the dustbin. If your mistake took hold, no-one who valued clarity would be able to use the word again.
John Whale

One good thing about being a Marxist is that you don't have to pretend to like work.
Terry Eagleton, What Is A Novel?, Lancaster University, 1 Feb 2010

The working man is a fucking loser.
Mick, The Golden Lion, Lancaster, 21 Mar 2011

The Comfort of Strangers

23.1.16: Big clearout of the defunct and dormant and dull
16.1.19: Further pruning

If your comment box looks like this, I'm afraid I sometimes can't be bothered with all that palarver just to leave a comment.

63 mago
Another Angry Voice
the asshat lounge
Clutter From The Gutter
Crinklybee
Eryl Shields Ink
Exile on Pain Street
Fat Man On A Keyboard
gairnet provides: press of blll defunct, but retained for its quality
George Szirtes ditto
Infomaniac [NSFW]
The Joy of Bex
Laudator Temporis Acti
Leeds's Singing Organ-Grinder
The Most Difficult Thing Ever
Quillette
Strange Flowers
Trailer Park Refugee
Wonky Words

"Just sit still and listen" - woman to teenage girl at Elliott Carter weekend, London 2006

5:4
Bristol New Music
Desiring Progress Collection of links only
NewMusicBox
The Rambler
Resonance FM
Sequenza 21
Sound and Music
Talking Musicology defunct, but retained


  XML Feeds

Multiblog engine
 

©2024 by looby. Don't steal anything or you'll have a 9st arts graduate to deal with.

Contact | Help | Blog skins by Asevo | Multiple blogs done right!