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I leave my family's Christmas presents on a train

  Mon 10th January 2022

To Lancaster for Christmas.

I worked for hours to get the fare down to £33. Coach to Birmingham, dodge the train as far as Stoke-on-Trent, single to Alsager but stay on till Crewe, single to Preston, dodge it from Preston. On the last leg, a masked guard from my railway days, whom I didn't recognise at all, greeted me warmly and chatted away until he suddenly remembered he had to open the doors at Lancaster.

This year we only had two of my own girls and our semi-adoptee. The eldest was away selfishly earning £600 a week with full board in Cambridge. She was "teaching English" in a place tellingly described as a "camp". It's a private school where rich parents can pay for immunity from accusations of child neglect.

On 28th I used another set of half-unpaid-for trains to Middlesbrough. I turned up a wee bit merry to my mum's house, which was stuffed with brothers nieces, nephews, girlfriends. They're all teetotal Christians, so they'll understand.

I'd left all their Christmas presents on the train. I recovered them from Northern Rail's hideout on platform five at Newcastle Central station. The lass handed me my bag full of spangly-wrapped presents, unmolested by chav attention.


Last night I was in a near-deserted Tesco with my scooter. At the till was an unhappy lass, who might consider a move to Wigan, where she'd find the diet more to her liking.

"You're not supposed to bring those things in here." "Am I not?" "No, there's going to be a policy about it." "Oh right. Can't see any notices about it." "Well, there's going to be a policy."

Got a response today from Tesco HQ saying that they "don't have a particular policy [...] However as with most new technology it's common sense at the moment." There was nothing in her email to suggest they're considering formulating a policy towards scooters.

So why do people like Mrs Blobby pretend they're spokespeople for their companies as a cover for inventing policies? She's translating her own response, which I'm guessing might be one of these.

"I can't stand all you scooter riders, having fun and getting about town for pennies a day. You represent a sort of freedom I am secretly envious of, but I'm too fearful of joining in with."

Or, "I'm poorly educated and struggle to adapt to situations with which I am not already familiar. I'm only being unfriendly towards you because I try to limit the number of novel events that I've got to deal with."

Anyway I wasn't in the mood for an argument and bade her goodnight.

In future I'm sticking to the local Pakistani-run shops. More expensive, but better (cricket-related) chat and no fucking arguments about scooters, masks, pay only by card, keep apart, one way systems...

Mr Khan treats me as a person. Mrs Blobby treats me a mud-scraper to temporarily rid herself of her own resentments.

8 comments »

8 comments

Comment from: Scarlet [Visitor]

Too many pot holes for scooters on the Devon lanes - and tractors lurking around tight bends.
Anyhow, I’m relieved the presents turned up in Newcastle!
What did you get for Christmas?
Sx

Tue 11th January 2022 @ 12:00 Reply to this comment
Comment from: looby [Visitor]

Corona! I got two positive lateral flow tests yesterday and am off for my PCR in a minute. Mel’s got it too but apart from one day yesterday when she felt groggy, is hasn’t really affected her much. We’re shacking up together for a few days.

I’ve no symptoms at all. Just really hoping this PCR is positive because then I can apply for the £500 Plague Grant, otherwise I am up shit creek.

Hope you’re still dodging the virus, stray trampolines, and thundering HGVs.

Wed 12th January 2022 @ 13:59 Reply to this comment
Comment from: Scarlet [Visitor]

I’m surprised you haven’t had it before!! Are you jabbed? It’s getting to the point where I’m thinking it’s my turn soon.
I hope you both remain symptom free and recover swiftly.
Sxx

Wed 12th January 2022 @ 14:24 Reply to this comment
Comment from: looby [Visitor]

Hiya S, yes, I got all three jabs in early as I’m still registered as a health worker from my time cleaning hospital wards.

Unfortunately this morning (Saturday) my test has come back negative so the horrible prospect of work is looming.

I reckon we’ll all have it at some point, even though you might take a while down there in less crowded areas.

Sat 15th January 2022 @ 15:05 You are currently replying to this comment
Comment from: daisyfae [Visitor]

what an absolute miracle that the gifts were returned to you!

happy new year, looby! glad to see that you’re still with Mel. i’ve got a bit of a crush on her myself!

Tue 18th January 2022 @ 21:58 Reply to this comment
Comment from: [Member]

Well you can keep your paws off :)

I’m glad to have the presents back. A couple of them were actually well-chosen this year! And a happy new year to you too, hope the decorating has ended well.

Tue 18th January 2022 @ 23:51 Reply to this comment
Comment from: kono [Visitor]

The lergy has finally stuck home here with the I-mac, so far the rest of us have avoided it, knock on wood…

and every now and then humanity gives me a glimmer of hope… gifts returned and unmolested… who’d a thunk?

and i have many thoughts on the Tesco lady but i think the main one is sadness, that she is ill-equipped to deal with things, that her life will flash by and be wasted, just another number created to consume never understanding there was more to it… yes that’s an over-simplification but it is just the comments section, lol!

i’m a fucking nutter.

Wed 19th January 2022 @ 13:49 Reply to this comment
Comment from: [Member]

Ha ha, well, in that case, stay one!

Best wishes to the i-mac! I think omi is a bit of a pansy-arse version of covid, and young people can shrug it off.

Yeah, I feel sorry for Mrs Blobby too. Would have invited her for a whizz round but could think of other women I’d rather have clasped around me :)

Wed 19th January 2022 @ 21:27 Reply to this comment


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