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Not for the first time, I find someone's wife attractive

  Wed 19th January 2022

Me and Mel got the lergy at the same time I think.

Her Aussie friends were over two Saturdays ago. Kev had procured these cannabis sweets which mimic, at least in flavour and appearance, those bittersweet rubbery snakes of English childhood.

I was in a giddy mood soon after we arrived down the Suffolk Arms. At one point I had to correct myself when I started finding Kev's wife attractive: her dry, funny comments, her sandy, untrammelled hair and her slender "figure", to use a word one only ever hears from women and art critics. I wished Kev and Mel could disappear for a minute so that we could have had an inconsequential snog.

The young people behind us seemed to be bemused by these dancing oldies, perhaps wondering what we were on. Me and Mel made a complete hash of trying to use the juke box, poking inconsequentially on illuminated buttons for so long that the machine took the matter into its own hands, playing its own choices.

On the Monday, Mel said she felt a bit rough and had tested positive for the lergy. Just to placate her, I took a test. To my astonishment, it came out positive. Scenting an opportunity to get out of work, as I took a pillow and suffocated the other voice in my head which was asking me about who is going to pay for such indolence, I took another test a few hours later with the same result.

We've spent seven full days with each other at hers, where she's been feeding me delicious food, beating me at Scrabble and Gin Rummy and us watching an incomprehensible State of Play on dvd, the resolution of which I found confusing. I was surprised at how little I resented being holed up with her (although we stretched the meaning of the word "isolation" a little, with walks down the disused railway line and trips to the shop).

To my disappointment, I got my second negative test on Monday so told work I'm out of purdah and went down the pub, had a few pints and did some speed, and had the lovely experience of a swervy, windswept scooter ride home. Some cunt in an Audi came a bit close, irritated perhaps at his imminent loss of dominance as the balance of power shifts away from cars, but also some gracious nods from more considerate drivers letting me go first round an ambiguous roundabout.


I rang Kirsty to share my pleasure that our twice-postponed family holiday in Brittany might go ahead this year following France's decision to let the be-poxed British back in. The conversation meandered into me telling her about a book I'd asked for from my mum for my Christmas present. Never heard of the author, it just got a good review in the LRB. Annie Ernaux's Exteriors.

"Is it intellectual wank?" she said.

8 comments »

8 comments

Comment from: Scarlet [Visitor]

You sound like you made the most of isolation - pleased that you’re on the mend.
Audi drivers might all be cunts. They have taken the mantle from BMW drivers.
Sx

Thu 20th January 2022 @ 11:23 Reply to this comment
Comment from: looby [Visitor]

Thank you Ms S. We sailed through it really. I was a bit disappointed at how weedy omi turned out to be in the flesh.

Thu 20th January 2022 @ 16:47 Reply to this comment
Comment from: kono [Visitor]

That pic is making me mouth water… 300mg! that would last a few days (or maybe not) lol!

Funny story about them thar edibles.. i’ve been on the tincture lately, lovely to squirt a bit of liquid in my mouth and get high as a kite… a few weeks back i thought the bottle was almost empty so i figured i’d polish it off, i pulled a few droppers full before i realized i had probably just taken about 5 times my normal dose, probably around 70-80mg at once, i usually take 10-20 spaced out (along with a few dabs), well i passed out and when i woke up the house was dark and i was proper fucked, got up to take a leak and could barely walk, stumbled through the downstairs running into anything and everything, got the to pisser and almost passed out, actually had to hold onto the wall to keep from falling over while pissing, giggling the whole time, then attempted to get back to my couch, crashing into more shit, finally fell down on the couch and then it hit, the heebie-jeebies of “oh shit ‘im gonna freak out, of course my remedy for that is always a wank, yes i know TMI, because if figure if i can get wood i won’t die, don’t ask it’s just my demented thought process, had no trouble with that, finished the job, took a big drink of water, turned on some music and passed back out… woke up in the morning still quite stoned… talk about a lovely evening ;)

glad you and Mel are on the mend!!

Thu 20th January 2022 @ 22:46 Reply to this comment
Comment from: [Member]

Ha ha ha, that’s great kono!

Yeah, it really makes me horny too. I had to physically stop myself from putting my arm around Mandy’s waist.

Fri 21st January 2022 @ 00:06 Reply to this comment
Comment from: daisyfae [Visitor]

glad that the omi turned out to be weedy… i swear, to those of us who have yet to get the ‘rona, it’s like the worst ever game of ‘hide and seek’….

Fri 21st January 2022 @ 15:53 Reply to this comment
Comment from: looby [Visitor]

Get it now DF if you can.. This is a very mild-mannered intruder.

Fri 21st January 2022 @ 18:30 Reply to this comment
Comment from: exile on pain street [Visitor]

Loved your description of “camp.” Why do they have children? Do they feel obligated? It’s okay not to.

Two trips to Google this time. Lergy and chav.

Is a snog ever inconsequential? They weren’t for me, which was a big problem. I only wish they had been as unimportant to me as they were to my benefactors.

Miss you, pal. Hope the year is kind to you and your fam.

Sat 22nd January 2022 @ 20:07 Reply to this comment
Comment from: looby [Visitor]

No, snogs have their dangers. You can end up investing a great deal in them.

Thanks for your nice message. My daughters are living lives which surprise me, given their parents’ lack of ambition!

Wed 26th January 2022 @ 08:44 You are currently replying to this comment


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