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I provoke envy in a public toilet

  Wed 19th October 2022

My new rail pass continues to afford first class journeys. I wanted to go to Glasgow for a house music night at which a friend was DJing. "Go and sit in Coach J," the guard said.

Stepping over bodies as though working my way through an air raid shelter, I came to rest in the expensive saloon, with the ubiquitous American tourists unashamedly displaying a full sock, lugging suitcases the size of wardrobes, and people charging it to the firm. The usual return fare is £205, so Mel couldn't come, but I enjoyed being on a dancefloor by myself a long way from home, all the well-dressed women -- a serendipitous consequence of being into house music.

I came out at half past three onto the still lively streets of Glasgow, and went to a little Lebanese place with several other chatty, drunken and drugged people. I joined a long queue for a taxi, and a driver picked me up in front of everyone else. "You made eye contact," he said, as way of explanation.

At the unlit door of my airbnb however, I couldn't see the numbers on the key safe which I had to align correctly in order to get the key. Just as I was despairingly looking down at the thin little mat outside the tenement's door, trying to imagine it as a bed, I happened by complete chance to enter the correct combination out of the ten thousand possible.

A few days later, in Wethers, I bumped into a couple of former colleagues from my previous job on the railway, from which I was dismissed under an alcoholic cloud. Several months ago, Dave had promised me that he had never said a word to anyone about the reason for my sudden exit. As I was bringing our round out to our table, I caught the tail end of a sentence: "'s OK, he's got a second chance." Part of me was irritated that he had spilt the beans, but there are no secrets on the railway.

In a public toilet, I impress another man. An elderly man looks across at me. "I wish I could piss like you. Look at that, pouring out. I have to imagine waterfalls, and then I only get a little bit out. I'll be back here in five minutes."



Comment from: Scarlet [Visitor]

How??? How did you enter the correct combination out of a possible 10k??????
Did you have to text someone immediately to tell them of this lucky accident? I would’ve.
I’m still freaked out that my mum and I had bank security codes in common - they’re supposed to be random, aren’t they?

Sat 22nd October 2022 @ 06:27 Reply to this comment
Comment from: looby [Visitor]

That’s odd about the security codes. I suppose at least the identity is with your mum’s, and not that funny bloke down the lane.

I’ve no idea how I managed to get the right one. I kept thinking that if only I can find one number on the little wheels, I can then work it out by stepwise motion.

But I just could not see a thing. Neither could I sense the wheels going into place, that sort of bedding down feeling that can give combination locks away. It was sheer fluke, and came after a long time of trying and trying. The situation was bordering on the tearful. I haven’t felt so relieved to flop down on a bed for a long time.

Sat 22nd October 2022 @ 11:36 Reply to this comment
Comment from: exile on pain street [Visitor]

How does a train not have a toilet? Major design flaw.

All good wishes to your daughter. You must be very proud.

I’m guessing the girl’s music wasn’t house. Am I right?

Maybe you should put in for PM. They seem to have a revolving door policy.

First class travel will ruin you. I was given a courtesy upgrade to first on a plane once. A terrible kick in the pants when I had to walk back to coach the next flight.

How are you, pal? Everything okay? All good wished to you.

Sun 23rd October 2022 @ 16:28 Reply to this comment
Comment from: looby [Visitor]

Hiya Exile, always great to see you about.

The train had a toilet but the wastepaper bin had fallen off and was hanging by its hinges, and in these absurdly over-cautious times, it was deemed a H&S risk, so the loo couldn’t be used. It did get repaired, eventually, but too late for me.

Yeah, Miss B would much prefer a soundtrack put together by you than me :) But I’m working on her.

First class on British trains isn’t what it was, but when you’re not used to it, the space and that everyone has a table, and you’re served at your seat, is quite luxurious.

Things are going well on the whole. Miss B has definitely brightened things up.

We entered a competition (multiple times) to win a week in NYC. Had we won, you’d have been enlisted in showing me round some of your state. All the best to you all. Hope your daughter’s OK now.

Mon 24th October 2022 @ 03:59 Reply to this comment
Comment from: kono [Visitor]

Late night Glasgow, Lebanese restaurants, fumbling into strange places… makes me miss it a bit… :)

and Dave sounds like a right fucking wanker… i may have accidentally had to spill his pint on his lap… but then that’d be a waste of good lager.

Wed 2nd November 2022 @ 05:11 You are currently replying to this comment
Comment from: looby [Visitor]

Dave’s alright, I just wonder why he told me he hadn’t told anyone about me getting the sack. It’s not something I particularly want spreading around.

Yeah…you’d love Glasgow on a weekend night!

Wed 2nd November 2022 @ 14:13 Reply to this comment

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