Gay Nazi Sex Vicar in Schoolgirl Knickers Vice Disco Lawnmower Shock!
« I take Mel from behindI urinate on a train and in a lift »

I provoke envy in a public toilet

  Wed 19th October 2022

My new rail pass continues to afford first class journeys. I wanted to go to Glasgow for a house music night at which a friend was DJing. "Go and sit in Coach J," the guard said.

Stepping over bodies as though working my way through an air raid shelter, I came to rest in the expensive saloon, with the ubiquitous American tourists unashamedly displaying a full sock, lugging suitcases the size of wardrobes, and people charging it to the firm. The usual return fare is £205, so Mel couldn't come, but I enjoyed being on a dancefloor by myself a long way from home, all the well-dressed women -- a serendipitous consequence of being into house music.

I came out at half past three onto the still lively streets of Glasgow, and went to a little Lebanese place with several other chatty, drunken and drugged people. I joined a long queue for a taxi, and a driver picked me up in front of everyone else. "You made eye contact," he said, as way of explanation.

At the unlit door of my airbnb however, I couldn't see the numbers on the key safe which I had to align correctly in order to get the key. Just as I was despairingly looking down at the thin little mat outside the tenement's door, trying to imagine it as a bed, I happened by complete chance to enter the correct combination out of the ten thousand possible.


A few days later, in Wethers, I bumped into a couple of former colleagues from my previous job on the railway, from which I was dismissed under an alcoholic cloud. Several months ago, Dave had promised me that he had never said a word to anyone about the reason for my sudden exit. As I was bringing our round out to our table, I caught the tail end of a sentence: "...it's OK, he's got a second chance." Part of me was irritated that he had spilt the beans, but there are no secrets on the railway.


In a public toilet, I impress another man. An elderly man looks across at me. "I wish I could piss like you. Look at that, pouring out. I have to imagine waterfalls, and then I only get a little bit out. I'll be back here in five minutes."

6 comments »

6 comments

Comment from: Scarlet [Visitor]

How??? How did you enter the correct combination out of a possible 10k??????
Did you have to text someone immediately to tell them of this lucky accident? I would’ve.
I’m still freaked out that my mum and I had bank security codes in common - they’re supposed to be random, aren’t they?
Sx

Sat 22nd October 2022 @ 06:27 Reply to this comment
Comment from: looby [Visitor]

That’s odd about the security codes. I suppose at least the identity is with your mum’s, and not that funny bloke down the lane.

I’ve no idea how I managed to get the right one. I kept thinking that if only I can find one number on the little wheels, I can then work it out by stepwise motion.

But I just could not see a thing. Neither could I sense the wheels going into place, that sort of bedding down feeling that can give combination locks away. It was sheer fluke, and came after a long time of trying and trying. The situation was bordering on the tearful. I haven’t felt so relieved to flop down on a bed for a long time.

Sat 22nd October 2022 @ 11:36 Reply to this comment
Comment from: exile on pain street [Visitor]

How does a train not have a toilet? Major design flaw.

All good wishes to your daughter. You must be very proud.

I’m guessing the girl’s music wasn’t house. Am I right?

Maybe you should put in for PM. They seem to have a revolving door policy.

First class travel will ruin you. I was given a courtesy upgrade to first on a plane once. A terrible kick in the pants when I had to walk back to coach the next flight.

How are you, pal? Everything okay? All good wished to you.

Sun 23rd October 2022 @ 16:28 Reply to this comment
Comment from: looby [Visitor]

Hiya Exile, always great to see you about.

The train had a toilet but the wastepaper bin had fallen off and was hanging by its hinges, and in these absurdly over-cautious times, it was deemed a H&S risk, so the loo couldn’t be used. It did get repaired, eventually, but too late for me.

Yeah, Miss B would much prefer a soundtrack put together by you than me :) But I’m working on her.

First class on British trains isn’t what it was, but when you’re not used to it, the space and that everyone has a table, and you’re served at your seat, is quite luxurious.

Things are going well on the whole. Miss B has definitely brightened things up.

We entered a competition (multiple times) to win a week in NYC. Had we won, you’d have been enlisted in showing me round some of your state. All the best to you all. Hope your daughter’s OK now.

Mon 24th October 2022 @ 03:59 Reply to this comment
Comment from: kono [Visitor]

Late night Glasgow, Lebanese restaurants, fumbling into strange places… makes me miss it a bit… :)

and Dave sounds like a right fucking wanker… i may have accidentally had to spill his pint on his lap… but then that’d be a waste of good lager.

Wed 2nd November 2022 @ 05:11 Reply to this comment
Comment from: looby [Visitor]

Dave’s alright, I just wonder why he told me he hadn’t told anyone about me getting the sack. It’s not something I particularly want spreading around.

Yeah…you’d love Glasgow on a weekend night!

Wed 2nd November 2022 @ 14:13 You are currently replying to this comment


Form is loading...

looby, n.; pl. loobies. A lout; an awkward, stupid, clownish person


M / 60 / Bristol, "the most beautiful, interesting and distinguished city in England" -- John Betjeman [1961, source eludes me].

"Looby is a left-wing intellectual who is obsessed with a) women's clothes and b) tits." -- Joy of Bex.

WLTM literate woman, 40-65. Must have nice tits, a PhD, and an mdma factory in the shed, although the first on its own will do in the short term.


There are plenty of bastards who drink moderately. Of course, I don't consider them to be people. They are not our comrades.
Sergei Korovin, quoted in Pavel Krusanov, The Blue Book of the Alcoholic

I am here to change my life. I am here to force myself to change my life.
Chinese man I met during Freshers Week at Lancaster University, 2008

The more democratised art becomes, the more we recognise in it our own mediocrity.
James Meek

Tell me, why is it that even when we are enjoying music, for instance, or a beautiful evening, or a conversation in agreeable company, it all seems no more than a hint of some infinite felicity existing apart somewhere, rather than actual happiness – such, I mean, as we ourselves can really possess?
Turgenev, Fathers and Sons

I hate the iPod; I hate the idea that music is such a personal thing that you can just stick some earplugs in your ears and have an experience with music. Music is a social phenomenon.
Jeremy Wagner

La vie poetique has its pleasures, and readings--ideally a long way from home--are one of them. I can pretend to be George Szirtes.
George Szirtes

Using words well is a social virtue. Use 'fortuitous' once more to mean 'fortunate' and you move an English word another step towards the dustbin. If your mistake took hold, no-one who valued clarity would be able to use the word again.
John Whale

One good thing about being a Marxist is that you don't have to pretend to like work.
Terry Eagleton, What Is A Novel?, Lancaster University, 1 Feb 2010

The working man is a fucking loser.
Mick, The Golden Lion, Lancaster, 21 Mar 2011

The Comfort of Strangers

23.1.16: Big clearout of the defunct and dormant and dull
16.1.19: Further pruning

If your comment box looks like this, I'm afraid I sometimes can't be bothered with all that palarver just to leave a comment.

63 mago
Another Angry Voice
the asshat lounge
Clutter From The Gutter
Crinklybee
Eryl Shields Ink
Exile on Pain Street
Fat Man On A Keyboard
gairnet provides: press of blll defunct, but retained for its quality
George Szirtes ditto
Infomaniac [NSFW]
The Joy of Bex
Laudator Temporis Acti
Leeds's Singing Organ-Grinder
The Most Difficult Thing Ever
Quillette
Strange Flowers
Trailer Park Refugee
Wonky Words

"Just sit still and listen" - woman to teenage girl at Elliott Carter weekend, London 2006

5:4
Bristol New Music
Desiring Progress Collection of links only
NewMusicBox
The Rambler
Resonance FM
Sequenza 21
Sound and Music
Talking Musicology defunct, but retained


  XML Feeds

CMS engine
 

©2024 by looby. Don't steal anything or you'll have a 9st arts graduate to deal with.

Contact | Help | b2evolution skin by Asevo | Secure CMS