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I meet a homophobic man wearing a gimp mask

  Wed 31st July 2024

My bonkers stalker texts me the night before the Euros final. "I'm watching the football tomorrow at the Venturers Arms. Hope you won't be there."

I didn't fancy her offer of coquetry and mental illness, so stayed on the settee with Mel, who could have turned a profit by predicting both the score and the first goal scorer. Apart from a couple of matches involving Turkey and Georgia, and our semi-final against the Netherlands, I found it a disappointing tournament, and got tired with the endlessly repeated banality about Southgate being too defensive, which, at peak-Euros, seemed to constitute the greater part of male speech. I have no understanding of football beyond knowing when it entertains me, or fails to do so.


As everyone in Bristol knows, there is a desperate shortage of student housing. Developers, based in Jersey, Luxembourg and elsewhere, have shown admirable alacrity in rising to this need, turning any piece of land larger than a blanket into flats reserved for this afflicted section of Bristol's population.

A street away behind me, a machine like a huge yellow insect, or one of those mechanical art installations that shithole towns get allocated, bashes and shuffles its way towards ninety flats. Two hundred and ninety-nine more are planned for another site close to me. Already, in one of the poorest parishes in the city, the bakers at the top of my road charges £4.50 for a sourdough loaf.

I quite enjoy raising objections to planning applications, and still enjoy the occasional ripple of a years old and successful contest in which we thwarted Lancaster Priory's plans to build a car park at the highest and prettiest viewpoint in the city itself. We ran them out of money. Everyone who advised us did it pro bono; they were paying specialist London barristers, before someone in a very posh form of dog collar told them to leave it.


To Southsea, with my eldest and my niece (whom I hardly know). We had some delicious nosh and then went for a dip in the sea, so gave my garish swimming shorts their English summer debut. The current was quite strong pushing us away from our clothes. We had a cuppa at niecey's flat right by the prom and on the corner of the high street.

On the train back me and the eldest got nobbled a bit by a rather over-chatty woman who told us of the various flats she's been kicked out of. We were relieved when she got off at Southampton.

Back in Bristol, I was walking home and I saw a twentysomething black man in a lime green gimp mask squatting down and saying something on the other side of the street. Then I saw the camera. "Are you making a film?" I asked him. He said it was a new video for an old single and gave me his stage name and the name of the track. I googled for him and he's one of the biggest rappers in South Africa; unfortunately, homophobic as well, so we'll delete that encounter from the records.

5 comments »

5 comments

Comment from: Scarlet [Visitor]

I just wish there were some builders left over who could fix the houses that are already built, but the money is in the new builds. My roof has been leaking for years and I can’t find anyone to fix it.
Sx

Thu 1st August 2024 @ 11:47 Reply to this comment
Comment from: looby [Visitor]

Aww, I’m sorry Miss S, were you in Lancaster or anywhere near one of my mates would definitely be able to sort your roof out.

Thu 1st August 2024 @ 17:58 Reply to this comment
Comment from: kono [Visitor]

A bonkers stalker… you lucky bastard, lol! i believe you and i have this natural talent for attracting strange humans…

and it seems the UK is quite like the US when it comes to housing, large corporations buying up every available space to charge exorbitant amounts, somehow they keep buying up warehouses here and turning them into “luxuiry apartments"… whatever that means…

same with the footie as well, we’re both out gaffers before the next big show and our supporters do nothing but moan about whoever is in charge, delusional, i could understand the English supporters as the team is loaded with talent while the Yanks just think we are… but we ain’t.. next time ask Mel and put a fiver on whatever she tells you! ;)

Thu 1st August 2024 @ 13:31 You are currently replying to this comment
Comment from: looby [Visitor]

Yeah it pisses me off – they’re built by speculative developers, then rented back to arms-length firms who then rent them out to mainly foreign students.

And good luck to you in the World Cup (well, obviously not if we end up playing you :) )

Thu 1st August 2024 @ 18:01 Reply to this comment
Comment from: monkeyman [Visitor]

If your flats are like the ones in Leeds they’ll have fallen down before your swimming shorts have worn out.

Sat 3rd August 2024 @ 21:54 Reply to this comment


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