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Present perfect

  Fri 26th January 2018

Oh Lord above,
who hath, in thy infinite kindness,
bestowed upon our fair city of Astana,
in our beloved country of the fermented milk of the mare
and verily unto the meat of her bottom,
the blessed coldness of minus 35.
And thus hath moved your agent here on Earth,
to issue a decree
that all places of instruction be closed,
and rest be given to the instructors therein,
We beseech thee, almighty Father,
that thy graciousness be extended another day,
and another day,
and another,
e'en unto the weekend.
For thine is the snow, the wind and the skiving,
for ever and ever, or at least until Friday,
Amen.


It worked, and I've had a doss of a week. School's been closed because of the cold, but I went in for half of today to help plan a special public lesson the English Department's doing about "ecological problems." They mean environmental ones but one doesn't want to be awkward three weeks in.

I'd been told that I'd be working with Hira. I couldn't place her; Kazakh names are difficult to remember. Lidia introduced me to her. "Hello!" I said. Black straight hair to just below her shoulders with a parting slightly set to the left, black top with black sequins, undone black jacket, tight black trousers and little black boots with a blocked one-inch heel, and most of all, her dark green eyes.

We went downstairs into, for me, a hitherto undiscovered staff room. Some tall grey metal lockers, a couple of tables, and a tempting sofa made for horizontal Anglo-Kazakh snogging.

She talked volubly, and the notes she made were a mess. Both endeared her to me: conscientiousness at work makes me uneasy. In the canteen, Svetlana, the other English teacher, had had a younging haircut and was wearing a groovy orange short-sleeved dress.

Nice Other Teacher came in with an excellent and unusual ensemble of a straight calf-length dress with black squares of various sizes on a grey ground, with a long-sleeved light open jacket of the same pattern. It was clashing enough to avoid being a twin-set but harmonious enough to have my grateful eyes roaming over it in a way that I hope was inoffensively brief, yet noticed.

She doesn't speak much English, but from little more than a foot away, she stopped and looked straight at me. "Hello," she said. "Hello, I smiled back. "How are you?" Lidia's already told me she's single. The day was starting to feel like a set-up for flirting.

Until misery guts Soviet maths teacher turned up, refusing to make this the day when she broke her silence towards me. I am going to grind her into a "good morning" with relentless manners; then once I've done that, make her jealous with my flirting with Hira, Svetlana, and Nice Other Teacher and make her crispy cuntflaps unstiffen for the first time in years.


While I was there, I ran off a few photocopies of something to teach the present perfect. I reckon that Keith acquiring a tash has landed him in a form of the present perfect that he's been longing to tell people about for years.

15 comments

Comment from: Jo [Visitor]

Am loving hearing about your adventures! Great that you are posting more often,

Sat 27th January 2018 @ 03:52
Comment from: looby [Visitor]

Thanks Jo – glad you’re still hanging around! Looks like you’re doing well too over there. Nice to see you.

Sat 27th January 2018 @ 09:58
Comment from: kono [Visitor]

I’ll keep this short and to the point… fucking lucky bastard!!! lol. Hira sounds delightful.

Sun 28th January 2018 @ 20:04
Comment from: looby [Visitor]

She looks like she should have been Suzi Quatro’s keyboardist. But she’s too young. Difficult to place but late 30s maybe. A bit of a snog would be lovely. We can dream can’t we?

Sun 28th January 2018 @ 20:22
Comment from: daisyfae [Visitor]

Delighted that you’ve found your first Khazak Krush? Even better is that you are going to flirt with purpose - charm all of those women with intent to frost the Soviet dominatrix!

Sun 28th January 2018 @ 22:26
Comment from: looby [Visitor]

Once you stop flirting, it’s resignation to death really.

Sun 28th January 2018 @ 22:53

Suzi Quatro! 48 Crash! My first concert ever. She opened for Alice Cooper. Ahhhh…

You find the late 30s to be too young? Or she’s too immature? Is that what you mean? I would think late 30s is the sweet spot. In the ‘now’ pic, everyone looks dissatisfied. Just like real life!

Mon 29th January 2018 @ 17:38
Comment from: looby [Visitor]

No she’s not immature, I just thought she’d consider me too old – although it’s only perhaps a decade. Nothing wrong with that in my book!

I was thinking that David might have smacked Jack one to get the message across about Monica as well. Jane’s pissed off that after a few promising dates, Keith has come to a realisation of that which he cannot deny, and Jack – from the state of his nose – has turned to drink over losing Monica, who has made a mental note that she cannot keep going out in the same dress for ever.

Mon 29th January 2018 @ 20:36
Comment from: Furtheron [Visitor]

Your current adventures sound terrific fun… except the cold! To hell with that!

There’s so much shattered illusion between your set of facial hair and haircut changing gang to keep an entire class going all year!

Tue 30th January 2018 @ 15:28
Comment from: looby [Visitor]

There is Furtheron – you could teach a whole lot more than tenses from that picture :)

Here’s to getting shot of that terrible sounding Meniere’s!

Tue 30th January 2018 @ 20:55
Comment from: Leslie Philips [Visitor]  

Keith ,Jane and Jack were in a FMM swingers arrangement when Jack’s attempt at a spit roast went disastrously
wrong .
His otherwise tactically astute effort of reconciliation turned Keith and Jane against each other.
Monica is delighted that David has removed his beard as it stuck like Velcro when muff-diving.

Wed 31st January 2018 @ 05:30
Comment from: Eryl [Visitor]

You have found flirting companions, hurrah! But do be careful, by which I mean make sure Hira doesn’t have a violently protective cousin or something before you snog her.

I don’t think I can imagine what minus 35 feels like, I find plus 5 bad enough.

Mon 5th February 2018 @ 03:55
Comment from: [Member]

There are endless riches to be mined from that picture Lesley I’d love to find out it’s deliberately done as an in-joke for EFL teachers.

Unfortunately, Hira has alluded to the presence of someone else. I’m not surprised. She’s charming and attractive, and attractively disorganised.

Tue 6th February 2018 @ 19:25
Comment from: Eryl [Visitor]

Damn!

Tue 6th February 2018 @ 22:37
Comment from: [Member]

Tis a bit.

Tue 6th February 2018 @ 22:56


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