I’ve been reading American writing for forty-odd years and I still come across absolutely incomprehensible words and phrases. And the less said about the sandals, socks, and knee-length trousers combo, the better.

Just wondering if Exile’s brother had suggested eating the cat whether he would have passed? Depends how far south in the USA the test was I suppose.

Sorry Looby - more interested in the comments! Another enlightening window on a world so far removed from my current tending to the bleeding heart that the cavorting foxes destroyed over the weekend that we’re almost on opposite sides of the solar system rather than merely a few junctions up the M6

The blokes in the pub weren’t referring to me, but Sophie, my daughter’s friend, (she’s 15) is of the opinion that I am “poofy". I don’t mind people saying that. It means I’m projecting an aura of mystery, and that I have some nice shirts.

Americans probably don’t understand some of what I say, but a nation that calls trousers “pants” and has the phrase “fanny pack", has truly lost its way through English.

Do you think Tess is hinting at a threesome with Briony?

Am I missing something here, or did people in your first two sections refer to you as a poof?

And if so, will your American readers understand the reference?

The thing with Tess was a mistake. I forgot that she borrowed my phone last night to text someone else. I’ve deleted the relevant sentence but you obviously got in there quickly.

When my brother took his driving test, he ran over a cat. The instructor failed him. The cat was NOT eaten afterwards.

Tess! You nasty girl! When am I going to get a text like that, I wonder? I have in the past. They’re a nice surprise, indeed.