Death in Bettws

22. Ach Herrgott …
Leaves one behind with nothing to say. What do you say to a mother who just buried her daughter, especially when the daughter took her own life ?

I could have just introduced myself and told her how much I enjoyed working with a loveable and interesting young woman. I *curse* myself for not having been able to produce a gentlemanly and considerate comment to the mother at the time.

It’s always difficult. It’s a terribly sad situation. Not too late to send her a card and let her know you remember her dear daughter with fondness.

I am sure that everyone carries a list of missed chances nicely tucked away in a dark corner of the memory. I have such a list, and in bad sleepless nights it is opened, by whom or what I do not know. I usually use an image of a crate in a kind of bunker where I bury that goddamn list again, sometimes it works fast, sometimes not so.
If you are seriously interested in expressing your condolences / feelings - you know the name of the girl. There should be a “Traueranzeige", a notice in a local paper. Here even the stingiest papers have the obits free for all. There should be an address.
If you can not reach out, it simply is so ; accept the inevitable, another little scratch.

(Still today, after soon twenty years, I could rip my arse off that I did not speak at the grave of one of my eldest friends, who died in his forties.
I simply could not, the fucking speech is stored for ever in my head. Maybe I’ll visit his grave some day, and then.)

Yes, those kind of acts almost of cowardice, stay in, and prey on, your mind.

I think the moment for contacting the girl’s family is passed now; I’ll just have to try to be less of a wimp next time.

I’ve waited to respond on this one as i’ve lost two friends this year who took their own life… not as young as this woman but i don’t even know what one could say to a grieving mother as i don’t think there can be anything worse than losing your child… and like 63 i didn’t speak at my father’s memorial and i go back and forth on it… it was short and it’s forever in my head as well but i didn’t know if i’d even get the words out… i wouldn’t worry about it mate as sometimes being there is the best thing.

Thanks, I know how much you loved your dad and how much he’s in your head every day. The ones you really love never go away.