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Kim

  Thu 15th July 2010

In Leeds on my way to meet Kim, I thought I'd spray a bit of one of the testers in some perfume shop around a bit. So I went into Lush, found a little tube of something for men, shut my eyes and sprayed it round my neck. It didn't feel as though the sprayer was working properly and I opened my eyes to see I'd splattered white globules of body lotion over my face, neck and shirt. I wiped it all off as best I could with some tissues and scuttled out of the shop with a shiny face and grease stains all over my shirt.

In the Guardian's Blind Date column they ask for "First impressions". I'd have to say "phwaor" or "fucking hell" or something similarly phatic. Younger, prettier and better looking than her unflattering picture. Darkish blonde or very pale brown hair in an unruly bob, green eyes, sexily curvy. We chatted away without a let-up for five hours over several pints and our tea. She was very witty, making jokes about the sentence I hadn't finished, un-PC and swore freely. I told her the story about Lush and she said "Why, are you normally a bit smelly?" and when I said I looked like a scene in a porn film she said "Yes, I know, I've done it myself. But doesn't your skin feel marvellous afterwards?"

"So Kim," I said. "How come you're single? "Well, I'm not exactly single as such. I see a man at the weekends." She's not interested in monogamy. She does nude kite flying. "It's just nudism with a kite" she helpfully explained.

As the evening wore on I was getting more and more physically attracted to her. We walked up to the station where our trains were leaving from adjacent platforms. "Well, I'm not sure what the protocol is now," she said. "It's this," I said, and drew her towards me and closed my eyes. She rapped me hard on the forearm. In the second that followed, I was astonished; then smiled as though I had been joking; then carried on as though nothing had happened. "It'd be nice to see you again," I recovered.

I got on the train and thought about it a long time, irritated that I'd introduced the one slightly awkward element into the entire night. I was convinced that we'd kiss to say goodbye.

I texted her: "Thanks for lovely time. You're very funny you know. And quite fit. See you soon I hope X". And accidentally sent it to Felicity.

I realised my mistake, rang her up, and Felicity took it all well. She goes on dates with other men herself, but it still must have felt a bit insulting. I sent it again to the right person. "Had really good time. Looking forward to seeing you again soon", she replied. I would like to see her again: she's fun to be with. But I'm not wasting time and money going to Leeds all the time without Occasional Moderate Bra Removal.

2 comments

Comment from: jonathan [Visitor]

Nudism with a kite. Now if they offered that as an occasional spectacle in Derbyshire’s Lyme Park then maybe I would have kept up that annual subscription to the National Trust. I was glad to give it up in the end, partly because of the expense, also because due to some Tourettes-type sydrome I casually referred on more than one occasion to how our Sundays were so much more healthy and culturally enlightening since we’d joined ‘the National Front’. It’s enough to get yourself blackballed by polite society.

Sat 17th July 2010 @ 00:27
Comment from: looby [Visitor]

Ha ha…that’d be worth the subscription!

Sun 18th July 2010 @ 11:36


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