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Plans for tomorrow, the latest sporting humiliation of the most miserable country in the world

  Fri 30th September 2011

Not sure if anyone local reads this, even less has the desire or ability to get pissed by 10am watching the latest defeat of the semi-country that continues to hold on to our apron strings, too timid to go independent, walking around with the biggest chip on the shoulder in Christendom (oh fuck, don't mention that word in Scotland, they'll all be attacking each other in a way that makes Muslim bomb-strapping nutcases look like doey-eyed Sunday School pupils). And yet, Scotland is a net contributor to the English economy! They should rename the Stockholm Syndrome the Edinburgh Syndrome.

I could never be Scottish, because I even bear goodwill towards Germans. I like the French. I've been on holiday to Brittany for a decade. Breton men are a model for how a man should dress. The women, of all ages, look classy and self-possessed. Both sexes' manners are impeccable. Monsieur. Je vous en prie. Pas de tout. Un autre? Likewise, the Belgian sense of humour, and its beer, are equally enjoyable.

But for a Scot, it's a betrayal of your nation if you actually like anything. Even if I, and my parents of nine generations, had been born in Fuckyerfeniantwatsuckmaballsyerunionistcuntburgh, I would be banned to Carlisle for expressing in public a desire to let things that happened five hundred years ago not affect our evening.

But just in case: The Richard Owen, tomorrow morning, 8am-ish. Kick off at 8.30am. I asked them today and they can serve us officially from 9am, but I bet we can charm them away from such a rigid adherence to their licence.

11 comments

Comment from: Sarsparilla [Visitor]

I both applaud and agree rather too much with that blithe description of an entire nation, as it’s one of the few nations on the planet that sees fit to dismiss anything I say, think or feel to my face in polite society, based on an accident of birth. I’ve never seen any other region in the UK be as racist as Scotland. That’s fine. It grates when we’re supposed to find it cute.

Fri 30th September 2011 @ 19:44
Comment from: Furtheron [Visitor]

Well all I hope is that we (the noble English ;-)) do actually beat you tomorrow - I could take if we have one of those crap non-committal, penalty strewn, “I thought you had that one old boy” showings.

Fri 30th September 2011 @ 20:58
Comment from: Redbookish [Visitor]

Sorry I shan’t be there. Have to work in that London for the weekend.

But being banned to Carlisle wouldn’t be all *that* bad, would it? I mean, better than being banned to Bradford.

Fri 30th September 2011 @ 22:17
Comment from: Jonathan [Visitor]

Fuckyerfeniantwatsuckmaballsyerunionistcuntburgh- now would that be just up by Stranrear? I believe one of my Aunties used to have a holiday caravan just on the outskirts.

Fri 30th September 2011 @ 23:08
Comment from: Tony [Visitor]

My favourite saying is that if we were playing Outer Mongolia at tiddlywinks the Scots would be cheering nay roaring on Mongolia to win.
Trust the coffee is percolated.

Sat 1st October 2011 @ 07:52
Comment from: [Member]

Fucking miserable bastards. I’ve sunk hundreds of pints in Glasgow and despite everything I’ve said, I like the city and go there often of my own voliltion. But you stand around in a bar for an hour or three, and they can never resist bringing up the subject of their Talibanist Presbyterian fuckwit mediaeval sectarianism. They’re as bad as the Muslim patriarchs on my street, with “independent” women cladding themselves into niqabs as soon as they step outside the front door. A plague on both their houses.

Here follows a sentence which you will never hear, with the terms reversed, from the embodied font of sectarian bile that is the average Glaswegian.

Scotland played well and deserved to win.

[/end]

I am pissed by midday and I like it. England 16 Scotland 12.

I am going back into town now to jab my finger in the face of anyone with ginger hair, except if it’s Denise, who I will take back to my house, bend over the kitchen table and [cont. p94]

Sat 1st October 2011 @ 11:55
Comment from: Mitzi G Burger [Visitor]

That was an interesting game last night. Great beards. I haven’t been able to work why Scotland are ‘too timid to go independent’. Hasn’t the boss suggested a hefty enough severance package?

Sun 2nd October 2011 @ 04:15
Comment from: [Member]

Hello Mitzi

I agree - the beards were outstanding. And the necks. I know nothing about rugby but I thought it was very entertaining, even if I had to sit next to a Scot during a game which they looked like winning for 70 minutes. She was young and comely so I didn’t mind over-much.

There seems to be no will at all for independence. Even the SNP seems afraid to mention the word now. Why they are happy to send part of their oil revenues to London is beyond me.

Sun 2nd October 2011 @ 13:48
Comment from: Alison Cross [Visitor]

I come from the Central Belt which means that if I dated anyone who went to a school where the first word was ‘Saint’ meant social leprosy and possibly your father stoning you to death.

I am now living in Rothesay where, basically, people are just happy if you aren’t shagging livestock :-)

Didn’t see the rugger, but I hear that we didn’t do too badly until near the end when we went utterly to bits. Probably threatened by Mike Tindall’s new wife’s family.

Ali x

Sun 2nd October 2011 @ 23:09
Comment from: [Member]

Hello Alison

Glad you survived Airdrie? Falkirk? Or not… da da daaa! Cumbernauld?

Didn’t Lena Zavaroni come from Rothesay?

Mon 3rd October 2011 @ 00:11
Comment from: [Member]

S - that’s the kind of more articulate version of what I was saying that would have graced this page better, thank you.

Furtheron - welcome to loobynet! I know nothing about rugby but even I could tell that it was a close run thing. I don’t understand all the stopping and starting but they at least give you the reason for the penalties now on the screen, so it’s a learning curve!

Redbookish - I’ll mention it nearer the time but next Sat, 1/4 final against France - White Cross, 8am! (Oh dearie me! :) Actually it will have to be a sober one as I’ll have the children.

J - Ah… you remember the place too!

T - quite true. There’ll be an expat Scot doing just that at the Naadam Festival, Mongolia

Mon 3rd October 2011 @ 10:26


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