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  Wed 7th December 2011

Someone has sent Mary-Ann this blog, and as a result, she's ended it.


Comment from: Homer [Visitor]

Fucking hell! Who on earth would do that? That’s made me feel sick.
You need to go password protected again, that’s two relationships your blog has prematurely ended lately.
As one of the few people who know your real name I ought to do a keyword search and see how easy you are to find.

Wed 7th December 2011 @ 18:59


Wed 7th December 2011 @ 23:27
Comment from: [Member]

H: Yes, I was hoping we might have moved on towards a degree of maturity in blogging after all these years but obviously some people can’t resist playing God.

Anyway, to my reader in Loughborough, a Virgin Media customer with an IP address ending in 82.12, obviously a Johnny Come Lately to the exciting world of blogging - sometimes you say things out loud in the company of people you trust in order to see how they sound. What a simple, easy life you must have if you think that everything that is said is a direct, accurate reflection of the contents of one’s mind.

TSB: Indeed, but fingers crossed, we’re working on the repair.

Thu 8th December 2011 @ 08:55
Comment from: Furtheron [Visitor]

Oh dear that is an ouch…

And also a huge invasion of privacy - I think we need to get you in front of the Levison enquiry …

I suppose the argument back is that you put this stuff up in full view and therefore take the consequences but I still don’t get how some peoples minds work

Thu 8th December 2011 @ 09:12
Comment from: redbookish [Visitor]

Ummm, hate to be a party pooper, but you are quite easy to find. For example, I’m surprised I never crossed paths with you when I lived in your town.

And I have wondered how a woman reading this blog might react.

But still, it seems a shame: you were so positive & hopeful & sweet about her.

Thu 8th December 2011 @ 10:36
Comment from: Redbookish [Visitor]

oops, sorry, pressed “Post” too soon!

I think that we’re still working out the ethics of blogging. We’re used to reading the published diaries of people, but these are generally a long time after the event.

But, as I say to my undergrads, you need to be careful of writing anything on the internetz which you wouldn’t say face-to-face. I am particularly on their case about the way they use email, but that’s another story.

Thu 8th December 2011 @ 10:39
Comment from: [Member]

They’re my words - I have to take the consequences. But I wish people would understand that this is my sandbox, a place to try things out, and leave me to sort out the repercussions for daily life. Eeeh, it were easier in t’old days when it felt as though most bloggers knew each other and wouldn’t play fast and loose with information they’d “confided” (if publishing to a potential audience in the billions can ever be called “confiding").

Anyway, a fast-moving diplomatic process is in operation between Lancaster and Leicester now.

Thu 8th December 2011 @ 11:27
Comment from: A. Lurker [Visitor]

Occasional lurker here. Is your real name C…. L….? It’s dead easy to find that out simply from your blog address with no additional info.

Or is that just a nom-de-web, in which case forgive me for being dense.

Thu 8th December 2011 @ 13:02
Comment from: Homer [Visitor]

A Lurker: But in this case it doesn’t matter if you can work out his real name from his blog, just the other way around.

I played around on Google last night and didn’t find this blog in 15 minutes. (I got bored then, sorry.)

Rah for the good old days of blogging!

Thu 8th December 2011 @ 17:02
Comment from: isabelle [Visitor]

bloody hell fire…..
I’m not sure what to say. I hope the diplomatic process goes well, she does sound the sort of person who’d understand and be reasonable. I can’t understand why someone would poke their nose in like that.

Thu 8th December 2011 @ 17:08
Comment from: A Lurker [Visitor]

You are correct, but nevertheless, there are plenty of web pages where CL’s full name is linked to this blog. If somebody did a little digging, as a new romantic interest might, it wouldn’t be too hard to find this blog with nothing but his name as a starting point.

Thu 8th December 2011 @ 20:19
Comment from: [Member]

Redbookish: me too! I’m sure we must have unknowingly been in the sdame pub at some point.

Hello Lurker! I’ve just googled for myself (the shame!) and have asked Lucy Pepper to remove a comment I inadvertently made under my real name on her blog (which I think is how my blog reader who knows Mary-Ann found me) . I’ve removed the link to the LinkedIn profile, which might have been how you found out my real name.

Homer: It were easier in t’old days, when the only people in the entire country who were blogging were you, me, Troubled Diva, Stressqueen and LR.

If you met a blogger, you wouldn’t launch yourself straight into personal stuff that they’d confided to a blog. When I met Stressqueen in London, we just talked normally, perhaps getting round to some of the more personal stuff later on, if it felt right to raise it. You still respected people’s privacy. And you and me can share a pie without having to excavate the fucking inner depths of our personal torments. You know, it’s just a nice afternoon with a drink and a pie.

Isabelle: Mary-Ann is behaving in an almost unbearably kind, articulate and considerate way, whilst letting me know exactly how she feels. As she said a few weeks ago, it’s not the problems, it’s how you deal with them. If Little Miss Loughborough ("you can call me God") had any motives of driving us apart, well, she’s achieved the exact opposite.

Fri 9th December 2011 @ 10:46
Comment from: A Lurker [Visitor]

Google your name (in inverted commas) and (in separate inverted commas) - you will find all pages where you and your blog are mentioned together. Sadly, it may not be possible to have them all removed.

To be fair, I already knew your real name, but I just wanted to point out that even if I didn’t, it would still be possible to stumble across this blog with only a little stalky research.

Relurking in 3… 2… 1…

Fri 9th December 2011 @ 13:26
Comment from: [Member]

Oh bum, there’s dozens. Oh never mind. Live by technology, die by technology as Unbearable commented on the previous blog-real life car crash.

But now, an even more serious threat to me and Mary-Ann has emerged. 24 hours before I meet her, I have sprouted three (!) whopping cold sores. I am slapping on Aciclovir in amounts that would kill a small bird.

Maybe see you again in a couple of years, Al!

Fri 9th December 2011 @ 15:19
Comment from: Redbookish [Visitor]

Glad to hear that there are diplomatic overtures (bar the pesky cold sores – it’s stress, innit?) If she’s half the woman you’ve made her out to be here, she’ll get over it all, and join in the fun!

But Lancaster to Leicester – I know the misery of that trip by train. Even tough the names almost rhyme (in a rather euphonious way) it’s a god awful set of train connections.

Fri 9th December 2011 @ 18:43
Comment from: [Member]

I’d like to dress it up as stress but it’s also not sleeping for half of last week while Kim was here, and its comedown, which made me get all pessimistic about Mary-Ann, and has given me cold sores. And doing my Dad duties as well, when I just want to sleep.

I wonder what trip took you to Leicester? Bugger of a journey. Over 3 hours.

Fri 9th December 2011 @ 20:57
Comment from: nursemyra [Visitor]

Just one blog post ago you were wanting to end it, but when it seems she might disappear out of your life, you suddenly want her all the more.

In my experience this is a typical male reaction. Still, I wish you both the best of luck.

Perhaps the person who told Mary-Ann was hoping to prepare her for what might otherwise have been a most unpleasant surprise. If I were seeing someone in anticipation of a romantic outcome, I would want to know if he posted doubts about the relationship on a public forum. Surely I’m not the only one who feels this way? Mary-Ann? anyone?

Sun 11th December 2011 @ 04:35
Comment from: Homer [Visitor]

No. A blog, esp one that used to be invitation only and probably still should be, isn’t a public forum. Who the hell is this LOughborough wagon to start interfering? BTW, I can’t believe your reaction when you said I was totally in the wrong to read my husband’s texts. Double standards from both of us, I guess Nursemyra.

Sun 11th December 2011 @ 07:57
Comment from: [Member]

Homer: “Wagon” he he :)

I know that would be safest but I don’t want to make it passworded any more as I lose readers when I do that. I know this blog’s got me into a couple of bits of bother this year but I still think it’s necessary to trust people to keep schtum and to treat information with the confidence with which it is imparted.

Nursey: Well, it’s just after a few drinks and not enough sleep, I was thinking about the 2.5 hours in each direction on a train it takes each time I wanted to see her, and how busy she is, doing two jobs, and with children living with her, and the way the costs of seeing her are really pushing my finances - doubts are bound to creep across one’s mind from time to time. We’ve had a good frank talk about it all and that’s over now.

A bit later on I’ll post about our meeting yesterday. It was a doubt-dispelling day.

Sun 11th December 2011 @ 13:04
Comment from: No Good Boyo [Visitor]

I hope things work out.

There’s a lot to be said for restricting web access through some code of honour ("I pledge not to be an arse about things, unless I’m a government and it’s my job").

The penalty is the scorn of one’s peers.

We should also bring back university seats.

Sun 11th December 2011 @ 15:39
Comment from: [Member]

Thank you. I’d much rather people think “oops, this isn’t a place for me” than make a little passworded club.

Sun 11th December 2011 @ 19:31
Comment from: nursemyra [Visitor]

Double standards? In what way Homer? I never cheated on my partner, I have nothing to hide, I still would have considered it an invasion of his privacy to pick up his phone and look through his text messages. I speak in the past because he died four years ago.

If I were hoping to form a romantic relationship with someone who was referring to me by name and expressing his doubts about me on a blog which can be read by anybody - then I would want to know about those doubts.

I don’t see how that can be construed as a double standard. Perhaps I offended you when I expressed my opinion about reading someone else’s text messages. It wasn’t intentional and I apologise if that was the case.

Mon 12th December 2011 @ 10:16
Comment from: [Member]

Just to clarify - no-one’s real name is ever used on this blog. I translate them into other names using an algorithm of stratospheric complexity (cough).

Mon 12th December 2011 @ 10:19
Comment from: ISBW [Visitor]

I caught up on all these happenings this morning. Good heavens. On the one hand, I felt aggrieved that someone had taken it upon themselves to blab about your blog. I’ve had similar ‘issues’ with people who know me in real life digging out my own blog, although they have known very well that I would not and do not wish them to do this. The person who did this in your case must have known it would cause problems - misguided at best, malicious at worst. Tsk.

However, on the upside, all this excitement seems to have helped focus your mind on what you actually do want, which cannot be anything but helpful. So, a very curious ‘ill wind’ at play. And your body joined in by providing you with some cold sores so you could defer things even more tantalisingly…

Mon 12th December 2011 @ 15:16
Comment from: [Member]

I was thinking of your recent, somewhat similar, situation during this.

Little Miss God of Loughborough probably thinks that a blog is a public affair simply because it is theoretically accessible by anyone. Of course it is. And you keep your gob shut and go away. Problems only arise from people like her who think that finding this blog gives her the same rights to meddle in my life as it might were she to know me in real life.

Mon 12th December 2011 @ 16:02
Comment from: ISBW [Visitor]

One can only assume that she felt a compelling need to meddle directly in your business because there’s something lacking in her own life. Yours sounds more exciting, so she wants in. People often say that this kind of attention ’should be flattering’, but it never is. It’s too much like emotional cannibalism for that.

Tue 13th December 2011 @ 17:11
Comment from: heybartender [Visitor]

This is exactly why I am so careful about what I say. No real names, not even of the town. I don’t trust people not to stumble across this blog somehow, and I’ve had enough bullshit from people who barely know me prying into my personal life. I am sorry this happened, and I like how you talk about blog-as-sandbox. We read each other regularly and know each other in a different way than we would if we were simply colleagues or neighbors or whatever. Your situation feels like a violation to me, even though I know that’s a weak position.
Pffft. People. Bunch of cunts.

Thu 15th December 2011 @ 02:40
Comment from: Sarsparilla [Visitor]

I’ve just picked up on this - late to the party again. I’m glad it got sorted out. I agree with ISBW, it served to move things further, and that’s all that matters - no point in speculating about the intent or motivation of the person who forwarded the address, as we’re all different people, there’s no one moral code uniting us at all. [’I wouldn’t have done it’ is not at all related to what others would do.]
If I had seen the ‘doubts’ post in time, I would have suggested telling her those doubts (we all have fears, after all). I presume your tendency to the negative at the time was what delayed that.
It *is* a public forum. And all of us with blogs continually forget that, and frequently recklessly ignore it. It’s what makes the blogs worth reading.

Sat 17th December 2011 @ 12:58
Comment from: [Member]

It *is* a public forum. And all of us with blogs continually forget that, and frequently recklessly ignore it. It’s what makes the blogs worth reading.

Couldn’t have said it better myself. I read on a FAQ on a sex blog a long time ago “Why are doing this?” And she answered “We say the thing you won’t dare say.”

I don’t think she intended any self-congratulatory tone in that, (although she deserves some appreciation), but I love your blog for putting that in practice.

Sat 17th December 2011 @ 13:11
Comment from: Sarsparilla [Visitor]

My blog is wilting under the weight of things that cannot be said in a non-anonymous environment. I want to write about sex so badly that I may end up begging a guest post elsewhere where my entire family / ex partners for the last decade won’t read it.

Wed 21st December 2011 @ 02:04
Comment from: [Member]

You’d be very welcome to do that here.

Wed 21st December 2011 @ 07:54

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