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There may be trouble ahead
At the next table, two bus spotters are having a couple of pints. Taking advantage of their seat next to the curving window, they are watching the buses coming into the bus station.
I wonder if that's a 56?
--We'll find out in a bit.
It's going round the corner.
--Yes it is.
How can you tell?
--The emergency window curves up like that round the edge.
Why does it do that?
--I don't know.
Down the pub the other day I saw a couple I know walk in. The man has been generous and good company to me over the years. He's also got a gorgeous wife.
Keeley looked very tired (and quite sexy with it, in her pale brown cord skirt cut on the bias), chasing after their two-year-old daughter. The last time we three met was about eighteen months ago when I was seeing Frances, and that night I went back to hers. While we were having sex in possibly my favourite position, her sitting on me facing me, I told her about seeing Keeley. Frances was quite encouraging, and with my cock buried inside her I started describing in slow detail the pleasure of seeing Keeley, her lovely tits and the stretchy Lycra scoop neck she was wearing. "There's not many women you could do this with" I thought, even at the time.
Such thoughts shimmered across my mind as I talked to them both.
I was the lucky recipient of a hot ticket last weekend - to the tenth anniversary bash of Lancaster Brewery, held in their swish visitor centre. Unlimited ale, wine and cider, and abundant, delicious food (hot fluffy cheese and onion buns, mini steak pies, little cones of tiny finger pieces of fish and chips, and a huge tower of profiteroles).
One of my old customers from the wholesale flower place was there, a woman I detained with endless flirting queries and tilty-headed helpfulness. During a disastrous few weeks working at a bank (they never found that £500 and I certainly didn't steal it), she was standing in the queue behind a rather dashing man who was paying in some money. "Oops," said my fellow teller. "If I had pressed this button I'd have credited your account with £40,000."
Straight away, she leant over his shoulder coquettishly and said 'What are you doing tonight?" ("I'm not doing anything," I felt like weakly piping up.)
Outside the premises there's a large illuminated sign: "Lancaster. The Brewery". Swelled with ale and pleasure, I stopped for a minute and felt proud of my city, glad that people like the brewery's owner are here and helping Lancaster regain some of its lustre, without, this time round, it depending on the slave trade (much of the old money round here is of ignoble provenance).
Tomorrow it's Kitty's birthday so we'll be cracking open the champagne with her cousin ("Ooh dear Kitty, that's my third [glass of wine]!"), but with a need not to jeopardise my mens sana in corpore sano as I'm entertaining Mary-Ann here the day after.
I've found the card for her for 14th. In case you can't see, on the back of the card it says "Multipack card. Not to be sold separately."
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| Me | Harry Redknapp |
The episodic nature of this post is due to the fact that all events this week have had to compete with a frequently overbearing preoccupation. I'm about to skid into a patch of black ice ahead, in that I might have misinterpreted some technical details of the law. A bit like the recent case involving a leading English football manager; with, I hope, the same result. But on a "least said, soonest mended" basis, we'll just carry on for the time being and hope it sounds convincing enough on the day
11 comments
Sorry to hear about your black ice. I can only hope there will be a sudden thaw in your near future.
… And when you finally retrieve your copious funds from that Monaco account, you will remember those who wished you well in straiter times, won’t you?
Well it is a fairly shocking shirt Looby, but I daresay a Lancaster jury might be prepared to accept as mitigation your longstanding contribution to the city’s academic and cultural life, not to mention your energetic advocacy of its indigenous brewing industry. Well that’s what I would be instructing the lawyers, anyway.
Multipack card not to be sold separately… haha that’s hilarious
I enjoy how eroticism is always floating on the surface of these posts. Because my family and extended family visit my idiot blog, I don’t dare write about these things. But I can assure you that it’s always there. Unsaid and poking fun at me.
i have been known to discuss other women whilst… um… yeah. but often it degrades into an argument between me and my partner as to who would get first crack at her…
SM: Of course. You meet the same people on the way down as you did on the way up.
J: Thank you. I’ve written a long letter in my defence which even I was impressed with, which includes the killer defence line “As you may be aware, Croatia only last month held its referendum to decide whether to accede to the Council of Europe’s recommendation that Croatia be admitted to the European Union by July 2013…”
N: Great isn’t it? “No, you’re not that special.”
UB: It’s not an “idiot” blog, so you can scrub that bit for a start. One or two members of my family have read a couple of posts but I dn’t think they’re interested really.
DF: He he…:) I bet Mr DF enjoys that!
Train spotters I can almost understand, but bus spotters???
My favourite position is one that allows me to
a. Continue drinking
b. Carry on watching TV/Reading a book
c. Fart
I have a cousin living in Nigeria who could use some of your banking expertise. Just send me your account details, sort code and Swift code, and he’ll do the rest. I think you’ll be surprised.
As regards the card, you certainly spare no expence in making your targets feel a bit special. I’m surprised you sprung for Chmpaigne, what’s wrong with a nice bottle of Dandelion and Burdock?, maybe with a vodka chaser.
Lastly, the “black ice” sounds a bit worrying. If the jury think that it was slippery enough to award you with a nice safe stay at “Her Majesty’s Pleasure” for 3 months, who’s going to keep your blog up to date?
Worrying, as I said.
PS I agree with Jonathan about the shirt. Don’t wear it on Der Tag, they’ll double the stay at HMP.
I know all this sounds a bit insensitive, and it probably is, but without the details (WE DON’T WANT TO KNOW; ACCESSORIES AFTER THE FACT)it’s difficult to be properly judgemental.
You subtle romancer you.
That’s my last word on the Redknapp affair until the case is closed one way or another.
Right, making the most of my last days of freedom I’m off to the printers to get Mary-Ann’s card so that she’ll have something to remember me by when we next talk, through a screen of reinforced perspex.
Confession time - I was once a bus spotter - there it is out the real reason I was an alcoholic all these years was the shame of it… Look I used to have a long bus journey to college and had to change at least once if not twice … so I bought this little book from a bus club that had all the different types of buses in it and there numbers and I started ticking them off…
Look I was 18 - it was a long time ago!! I’m better now :-) Anyway - was it a 56? ;-)
We’ll forgive you. If drinking heavily leads you to joining a bus clubs, that should be something that should be used in the Government’s anti-drinking strategy. That’d destroy some of the glamour.
Wonderful blog! Do you have any helpful hints for aspiring writers?
I’m planning to start my own site soon but I’m a little lost on everything.
Would you suggest starting with a free platform like Wordpress or go for a paid option?
There are so many choices out there that I’m completely overwhelmed .. Any recommendations? Bless you!
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