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I've had my peak piqued

  Thu 22nd March 2012

I am most piqued. Being piqued can be good. A good poem can give you a good pique. But not this sort of piquery.

Could anyone tell me whether you'd find this offputting if you received this as a first email from someone on a dating site? I sent this to a 37-y-o from Eeeh Baah Goom Town, and she barred me from contacting her!

By the way, if you imagine the objection would be an age difference, she did say on her site that the age range she's looking for is 30-50. Last I looked, 47 falls within that. And I'm a fuck sight better looking, and better dressed, than most 47-y-o men in Lancashire.

Just to contextualise the first sentence in my email to her, her "You should contact me if" section included "You've got nice fore arms." I know that should be one word, but she's exonerated according to the provisions of the Attractive Women Get Away With Slight Spelling Mistakes Rule.

I've spent the last few days looking at my forearms and thinking "Are these nice, from the point of view of a girl ten years younger than myself from B--?" And I can't find an answer.

My eyes lit up when you mentioned L'appartement. I love that film. I love it but it leaves me with a faint feeling of envy that I will never be that cool, and then I think, let's not bother about imitating film stars. So my ideal night now would be getting you out for a drink and just see what happens.

I know we all like to be appreciated for our inner qualities etc. But: nice picture.

Actually it's just occurred to me that you don't invite someone out on the first email. Maybe that's it.


In happier news, my artistic collaborator Shelly, with whom I cavorted at the Belgian State's expense last year, emails to tell me that a professional New York-based art journalist who came to Brussels last year to see our show has made a web page about it.

She's made a hash of the titles of the pieces, attributing one piece to someone else when it's my piece, and getting the dates of the pieces way off, but it's flattering to know that someone travelled all that way to review the weekend of which me and Shelley were part. Why didn't she introduce herself I wonder? That's strange. We could have had arty sex in the Sint Caterine district.

This is me performing George Brecht's Drip Piece, not "Drip Music" as she erroneously titles it. Must do more of this in 2012. I like it, I enjoy myself, people like it, I get good reviews, I meet interesting, bullshit-free people, and always manage to get utterly pissed, usually for free, afterwards.

Drip Piece

16 comments

Comment from: [Member]

internet dating is a minefield of randomness. consider yourself lucky to have filtered out a hyper-sensitive, cryptic woman who most likely would have expected you to be a psychic.

Thu 22nd March 2012 @ 14:45
Comment from: [Member]

I cannot be arsed with women who think they’re deep and want a man to ask them lots of questions about themselves to satisfy their own self-obsession, and as a reward, grant you sex. Fuck that.

Thu 22nd March 2012 @ 17:00

I reckon she was put of by “I’ve spent the last few days looking at my forearms”
Obviously too narciscitic fo her tastes.. Anyway if she’s really into fore arms, fore-arms, forearms,or even four arms, whu isn’t she dating Popeye.

Oh, is that what you’re doing up the ladder.

I though you were fixing the plastering ormending a burst pipe.

It quite shocked me, seeing the academic arty-farty type doing some real work.

Why don’t you put the URL of the website on a post so we can all enjoy it.

Thu 22nd March 2012 @ 17:39

looby, could you delete my first comment please, I was a wee bit ‘fu when I wrote it and the number of typos and spelling mistakes is a bit embarrassing.

I reckon she was put off by “I’ve spent the last few days looking at my forearms”
Obviously too narcissistic for her tastes.. Anyway if she’s really into fore arms, fore-arms, forearms, or even four arms, why isn’t she dating Popeye?

Oh, is that what you’re doing up the ladder.

I thought you were fixing the plastering or mending a burst pipe.

It quite shocked me, seeing the academic arty-farty type doing some real work.

Why don’t you put the URL of the website on a post so we can all enjoy it?

Thu 22nd March 2012 @ 17:44
Comment from: [Member]

TSB, I welcome your comments, and the house style here is that we tolerate anyone who is slightly fubared and makes the odd slippage in the manner of his or her expression. It is a quality to be embraced rather than censored. I am half pissed most of the time myself when I write the bloody stuff. I am the wrong side of a bottle of Chardonnay from that well known fine wine purveyor, Mr Patel of the corner shop, as we speak. We practice mutual tolerance here, except it’s not tolerance, it’s just the way we speak. Carry on as you were my blogfriend.

Here is the website of which I speak. She’s an author too. I’m going in a book about performance art in Europe. I wouldn’t consider it work though.

Thu 22nd March 2012 @ 19:37
Comment from: nursemyra [Visitor]

If I were on an internet dating site I’d be charmed by your reply.

Thu 22nd March 2012 @ 22:13
Comment from: [Member]

Thank you! Thank you, thank you! If *you* would be, then that’s more than sufficent vindication X

Thu 22nd March 2012 @ 22:16

AH, Mr Patel, he of the inexpensive wines and flexible credit. A Koh-i-Noor in the rough.

I went to the URl and was immediately struck by
A. Your own REAL name in black and white
B. The link to REARVIEW (I was frightened to use it)
C. Everyone having a good time.

Then I went to YouTube and looked at a clip of George Brecht’s Drip Music (Piece).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UT5lgaE-qZY

I must admit I was surprised.

I expected pretentious crap.

What a Hoot!

Strange. I hear almost the same sound every time I go for a pee. Almost links to the concept of Weltseele and Insgesamt Schöpfung Trauer.

What a coincidence.

Fri 23rd March 2012 @ 09:19
Comment from: isabelle [Visitor]

I agree with daisyfae and nursemyra and TSB makes me laugh, and your forearms look ok to me.

Fri 23rd March 2012 @ 13:04
Comment from: young at heart [Visitor]

can’t ever seem to leave you a comment…unless this time it’s worked!!

Fri 23rd March 2012 @ 14:14

Can you provide a link to the erroneous web page? I’m too lazy to Google and wouldn’t know what search criteria to use, anyway.

Sat 24th March 2012 @ 02:54
Comment from: [Member]

The link for your URL in your comments is misspelt: it’s
http://www.theunbearablebanishment.blgospot.com

which then diverts to [some dodgy moneygrabbing site]

——–
Glad it’s working YAH. And thank you Isabelle. I’ve never seen my forearms as a dealbreaker before now.

Sat 24th March 2012 @ 08:04
Comment from: smallbeds [Visitor]

Maybe she’s been lying about her age, and was hoping nobody would find out. Once she met someone with such obvious attention to arm-based detail, she knew her bingo wings would give her away.

I can understand there’s a certain sort of person that would at least baulk at the tone of your communication; but I also feel that you’re best off weeding that sort of person out at a quite early stage, as they’re unlikely to be much fun.

And although I can only comment on your show at Oxfringe - witty, engaging and fascinating - then I would say that: if Brussels was more of the same; and thus what you’re saying is that you’re considering yet MORE of the same; I can only say to everyone reading this that they should snap up tickets.

Sun 25th March 2012 @ 20:34
Comment from: [Member]

Well, I am truly flattered and blushed. Thank you. Yes it was a bit like the Oxfringe show, but a bit more of my own stuff. Thanks very much.

Mon 26th March 2012 @ 13:43
Comment from: heybartender [Visitor]

I think your remarks were great. I would totally have gone for a drink with you. You have to be yourself, uncensored. If not, then you will never find the right person. And you’ll never know why she didn’t reply, so fuck it.

Wed 28th March 2012 @ 01:37
Comment from: [Member]

Thank you very much HBT! It’s nice to know you’d see it in that way.

Wed 28th March 2012 @ 07:13


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looby, n.; pl. loobies. A lout; an awkward, stupid, clownish person


M / 56 / Bristol, "the most beautiful, interesting and distinguished city in England" -- John Betjeman [1961, source eludes me].

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