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Trina sees it for the first time

  Thu 4th October 2012

I kissed Trina passionately; breathless, we sighed as we pulled away from each other. She looked down. "My goodness," she exclaimed. "I didn't realise you had such a big one!" "Do you want to sit on it for a minute, see what it feels like?" I suggested. She took the rest of her clothes off and stroked her fingers along some of its length. "It looks lovely," she said. She eased herself down onto it and took a small gasp of breath. "Oooh... it's firm--but comfortable too."

For the first time this century I will be sleeping regularly in something that is neither a children's bunk bed (my last cohabitational hide), nor a foam settee cushion. I have a double bed. That is, I have a mattress on the floor, and an unassembled bed base. They won't fit, since the mattress is queen size and the frame is standard, so the mattress will overhang a bit, thereby offering a comic dimension to coitus interruptus.

Trina came to the wine club on Tuesday in a pretty black and white check dress with wide straps and a square cut neck, although I had to dissuade her from ruining the ensemble by wearing a cardi over it, encouraging her into a thin grey jacket instead, despite the cutting rain and wind.

We had a presentation and tutored tasting by an airline pilot turned wine importer, who specialises in South Africa. Looking at his leaflet beforehand I had my doubts. We were to start with a Chenin Blanc, a Sauvignon Blanc, and a Chardonnay, all of which have supplied some of the worst wines I've ever had.

But no. The Sauvignon Blanc had an intoxicating bouquet--amyl nitrate, or petrol, or a cheap vinyl suite on a hot day; a rich, changing flavour, and an aftertaste that appeared to have signed a tenancy agreement with your mouth. (Uva Mira Sauvignon Blanc 2009, £11). Trina took so effusive a delight in the same vineyard's simply named Chardonnay 2010 that she spent £25 on a bottle of it. Conveniently, I liked the cheapest bottle of the entire evening the best, a JP Bredell Shiraz 2003 (£8.75) (how often do you get to taste a Shiraz nearly a decade old?) It would have cost almost double that a few years ago but the firm is going out of business and they just want to clear the cellars.

Towards the end of the evening, over the port--well, OK, "over the port-style fortified wine" then--the club turned into a cabal. People wandered around tilting their heads towards each other, scrabbling for pens and cards, passing on details of unadvertised wine tastings and closed events. Someone invited us to the Borough for a pint, but I wanted to take Trina back and get her in my new big bed. "That's a lovely offer, but we don't see each other very often, so I'm going to decline it just on this occasion."

The following morning we went to her boat and got into a chilly, damp bed. Over some more wine with a late lunch, Trina started talking about us living together. For the first time in the entire course of our relationship, the pings of an alarm bell punctuated her sentences in my head.


Are you practicing safe sex? I always hated condoms. Hated them. I’m lucky I don’t have a string of unwanted pregnancies behind me. Or worse.

Don’t sound so bloody surprised! You knew this conversation was coming sooner or later.

Thu 4th October 2012 @ 12:11
Comment from: Homer [Visitor]

“The unbearable banishment” wins the Thursday prize for Most Random Comment!

Thu 4th October 2012 @ 13:35
Comment from: [Member]

He he :) You should present it at Melton Mowbray Food Festival, at a fringe event, this weekend. Regret missing that, but skint.

Trina’s 58. We can fuck and fuck and fuck and nothing babyish will happen. I’ve never used a condom, not once. It’s a lot easier for the woman to swallow a pill rather than a man to put on a condom mid-arousal. And apart from three daughters, who all came at once, from a woman I had hardly any sex with, there’s been no outcome.

I don’t want to live with anyone. It’s nice how it is, let’s not make it all domesticated, normal, routine, nagging, accusations, doghouse, complaining, the curse of the mobile phone–"where are you?", and worst of all, sexless. I would find married life, with or without the certificate, a fucking misery. I want my own life, away from anyone.

Thu 4th October 2012 @ 14:28

Subtle looby, a very subtle start. Whatever were you implying, you rogue you.

I hope you now feel guilty in making poor Trina go out into the elements poorly clothed. Another typical artistic choice of style over practicality. Lancashire in October is more parka or duffle coat weather, not a thin grey jacket.

Port or Port-style is good. Any Stilton to go with it?

Relationship blues strike yet again.

Why can’t women just accept what we’re willing to give?

Why do they always want to complicate matters?

Thu 4th October 2012 @ 18:54
Comment from: [Member]

I don’t know TSB. Every girl you meet always wants to ruin a good thing by draining all the life out of it and grinding it down into convention and habit.

It’s serious this–I’m going to have to have a chat with her about it. I’m 48, I’ve made every relationship mistake going apart from marriage. I don’t want to live with anyone. Why can’t we just leave it as it is?

Thu 4th October 2012 @ 21:10
Comment from: furtheron [Visitor]

Be honest with her!!! Don’t let her believe anything else otherwise it’ll all end in tears no matter.

So - my advice (frankly don’t listen to me, what the hell do I know) is to say what you feel, that you want it to stay as it is etc. Now do you write off ever cohabiting with her? If not at least leave that door ajar but

Fri 5th October 2012 @ 08:59
Comment from: Scarlet [Visitor]

Winter is coming… the boat is getting chillier… who wouldn’t try out for a roof????

Fri 5th October 2012 @ 10:19
Comment from: [Member]

F: I think it was more of a floated idea (floated idea, ha ha, that’s appropriate for someone who lives on a canal) to see what I’d think, so there’s scope for me saying words to the effect of “no fucking way".

S: It is chilly and damp on there now, but only until you get the woodburner going. Then it’s really cosy. I can’t see how it’d work financially anyway. It’s a lovely boat, very well looked after, but it wouldn’t fetch enough to buy a cardboard box in Lancaster, and I haven’t got two ha’pennies to rub together.

Fri 5th October 2012 @ 10:32
Comment from: isabelle [Visitor]

From what you’ve said about Trina, and with some eloquent reasoning, I think she’ll understand the benefits of not living together. Simply put, if it’s not broken, then why fix it?
( And hurray for the bed ! )

Fri 5th October 2012 @ 20:50
Comment from: [Member]

Exactly. I want to hold on to this for as long as I can. It’s lovely at the moment, for both of us. And yes, it’s great to be able to stretch out a bit at night.

Mon 8th October 2012 @ 03:21
Comment from: Sarsparilla [Visitor]

From another perspective, it’s not only women who bugger it up by wanting to be permanently ‘togevva’; I’m in the same position, and batting it back with ‘no bloody way’, and ‘I like it as it is’ doesn’t do any more than put the next jokey reference back a week or so. I have found, however, that explaining my reservations clearly, as well as what I like about having my own cave to retreat to, allowed me to specify that the subject can be acceptably be raised again 3 years from now. He gets a sense of there actually being a longer term (turns out, that’s enough), and I get to stop having to bat the horrible prospect of another failed relationship away.

Tue 23rd October 2012 @ 23:39
Comment from: [Member]

Sensible way of doing it V. Much better than my approach up to now which has been to dodge the issue.

Wed 24th October 2012 @ 12:03

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looby, n.; pl. loobies. A lout; an awkward, stupid, clownish person

M / 58 / Bristol, "the most beautiful, interesting and distinguished city in England" -- John Betjeman [1961, source eludes me].

"Looby is a left-wing intellectual who is obsessed with a) women's clothes and b) tits." -- Joy of Bex.

WLTM literate woman, 40-65. Must have nice tits, a PhD, and an mdma factory in the shed, although the first on its own will do in the short term.

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