36DD

Trina texted me with her New Year's Resolution. What a surprise; I'd never have guessed what a woman's New Year's Resolution would be. "Just don't lose it off your tits," I replied.

It's after 8pm, the time in the code of practice adhered to by most bailiffs beyond which they shouldn't call at your house, so I can stop twitching to attention at any loud talking in the street, stop flinching at any bangs or untoward noises. This morning, mid-breakfast, I instinctively ducked down when someone in the back alley banged a door, hiding myself so that I could pretend to be out and wouldn't have to open the door.

I've had some excellent advice, in two free phone calls to a debt advice centre, and I feel sanguine again, that someone's on my side. Kirsty was mockingly sympathetic, giving me halves on a bottle of plonk that we drank while Strictly was on. "Do you ever regret leaving me?" she said. "Yes, I do. I think you're lovely."

Kim rang, as she does most days, and I told her all about it. She asked me if I'd told Trina. "Of course not," I said. "She'd be alarmed and ask how much it was and then pay it, and then that would conflate the affective and financial elements in our relationship." I used those actual words, having spent a long time at university, paid for on a credit card, part of the debt for which bailiffs are now threatening me. (Most of the expenditure was less noble). It was a relief that she understood how levering affective and sexual attraction into financial assistance would muddy the relationship. Yesterday morning I emailed Trina saying how attractive she is.  I wouldn't want to add "And it was great how you paid 630 quid to the Council to stop the bailiffs coming round."

On New Year's Eve Erica, Vicky, Vicky's new boyfriend and a few others went down the B---- Hotel for the Soul night, and then everyone came back to mine. I didn't take to Vicky's boyfriend. He was one of these men who watch things rather than take part in them, giving the impression that he thinks that enthusiasm in social life a weakness. Erica warned me that he's very anti-drugs. She had come round earlier to help me move some of the furniture out so that we could dance. There was some MDMA and some of this rather rubbish speed that's going around. I made a coal fire and draped the fairy lights round the mantelpiece. Ingrid arrived in the wee hours. Every time I see her the first thing that comes into my head is Brian saying of her "I want to fuck her all the time." Erica and the last guests left at 7am. In bed, I wanted Trina, and emailed her to tell her in what way.

Tidying up on New Years Day, I took a big swig from the pint glass which was sitting there from the party, thinking it was water. Turns out it was vodka. So my first drink of any description in 2013 was vodka. I went round to Tina's (not Trina's) for an afternoon do and got even more plastered than I felt before I arrived, plied with cava and delicious filo pastries made with game and cranberry. To my delight, Much Older But Very Attractive Former Neighbour turned up. She was wearing a tight blue thigh-length dress, black tights and flat black shoes. In my drunken, MDMA'd state, it was an effort to keep my hands off her.