Thanks. You can go now.

I’m sorry. I hope in the end there wasn’t too much of an atmosphere x

I sent Kirsty a text at about half past five saying I was leaving, seeing as she said was getting back at about 6. And then just as I was getting everything together to leave, they fucking pulled up in the car.

We said a very brief goodbye, literally ten seconds, and I left. I feel a mixture of hurt and anger. I feel exploited and used and unwanted. I wasn’t saying I want to spend all night with them playing happy families. I just wondered if we could have spent an hour, just an hour, all of us together, boyf, me, Kirsty, the girls, seeing as it was me and the girls who had tidied and cleaned and hoovered that house (which took fucking hours), me who cleaned all the poo out of the cat litter, me who ran the washing though and hung it up, me and Fiona who made their tea, Jenny who patiently put all the truffles together in their little cases…and then she wants me to fuck off, having presented the house, and the tea, to her. Yes OK nothing more than what she does all week.

And then I’m getting up at 7.30 tomorrow to take Jenny to the dentist in Morecambe while she goes to work.

I’m not going to say anything about it to Kirsty tonight, because I am not articulate enough. Trina’s been nice, listening to me, and has said I need to tell her what I feel about all this.

Oh fuck it–amyl nitrate and a cracking house mix solves everything!

On the bright side? You chose the perfect entree. “Putannesca” is a lovely meal, and the literal translation is “Spaghetti of the whore". There’s that, eh?

It is indeed, a salty, powerful dish from Naples, a staple in Kirsty’s house, and about the simplest thing you can cook. Disguises the ground glass and arsenic perfectly.

Not nice Looby, not nice at all but at least your conscious can be clear you were certainly a dutiful father yesterday.

By the way your last comment, class. Can’t wipe the smile off my face.

Did the boyfriend have anything to do with that? Maybe she was being pressured. What a wreck.

HA! Just as I typed that, two cars got into an accident just outside! I’m not kidding. I’m sitting in a window seat in a coffee shop on Broadway and 51st St. Crunching metal, I look up, fender bender. Now, two angry guys standing toe-to-toe yelling. This is like a bad reality show. You were banished from the dinner but at least you’re not dealing with a traffic wreck today. That’d give you something else to worry about. I should LISTEN to MY OWN ADVICE on perspective.

Tough stuff…

As others have said you can hold your head up as having done the right thing. Choice is either politely point out how you felt about it to her or let it go and ignore it. If you do that though you have no defence if it happens again. These things are difficult but you have to judge how you’ll feel on a repeated occurrence to determine if the difficulty in raising the issue outweighs that or not.

Sorry to buck the commenting trend, but get off your pity potty C. You normally hold Kirsty in such high esteem. She isn’t allowed to have one selfish moment? For a man who is so forthright about his own needs and wishes this seems odd. You lead an extraordinarily free life where you get to please yourself for 99% of the time; one day of cooking and cleaning won’t kill you.

There endeth the scolding.

Sorry Homer think you missed the point C wasn’t complaining about the cleaning etc ( as it turns out a godsend in his financial situation) it was being excluded from the family meal.
Scolding over :-))

Tony - yes, being excluded from the meal AFTER SPENDING THE DAY COOKING AND CLEANING, as per comment 2. Anyway, I am sure Looby will be more than happy to clarify when he next logs in.

Do the same to her on Father’s Day

Homer–the housework by itself isn’t the issue. It’s the emotional hurt and rejection I felt after making every effort to give Kirsty a nice Mothers’ Day, and then being excluded from my own family while Boyf waltzes in and eats all the food I’ve prepared, drinks the wine I’ve bought, eats the truffles we have made… but I’m not allowed to spend just an hour or so with my own daughters and their mother on Mothers’ Day.

F: I haven’t said anything, but there was a bit of a frosty atmosphere when I took Jenny to the dentist on Monday, which was more than eloquent.

UB: Live car crash blogging! Re Kirsty, you said exactly what Trina said–I think this idea came more from Boyf so in a way it’d be unfair to criticise her too much. She basically a decent, kind person.

Tony: That’s it, precisely.

Barry: I’m not lifting a little finger for her if this situation arises again. I’m not cooking and cleaning and baking and hoovering for my ex’s new boyfriend.

When I first read this I thought: that’s really bad behaviour. And it is, it’s unthinking and uncaring of her to assume that you’ll just tidy up and go like that.

On reflection I agree it really is unthinking, rather than especially pointed. The whole situation feels inept and clumsy on her part, with a sudden realization of “Oops, Looby isn’t going to like this.” If one were going to set out to be mean, one would hopefully do it much more neatly than that.

That’s not to excuse it, and I’m not sure if the boyfriend has had a hand in it or not; but if she’s feeling guilty about it, that might mean you’ve got a better position to bargain about how the family celebrates things in future. You could really go to town on Father’s Day now.

Looby loo…..where to begin?? It’s all in the name for starters: Mother’s Day…..not lets tell Looby how wonderful he is for everything he does day. Banished from your daughters attempts?? Then you list everything you did……And what about doing something just as an act of kindness and not for the praise? If you didn’t want to do it why did you? Why didn’t you let your kids do it they’re well old enough?? She’s their mother. You seem to have deliberately done as much as you could to make it a nice mother’s day for her despite believing she didn’t want you to stay…..if that was what you thought why did you do anything? And lets not forget what you have previously said about fatherhood and living with someone, why should you, the ex, be there for supper anyway? It’s not Father’s day…..but well done for getting up to take your daughter to the dentist ….while her mum is at work!!!!

SB: In modern Western society, every day is Fathers’ Day, so we don’t do much for it, but yes, I agree, it was more thoughtless than anything deliberate. Still upset me a tad though.

YAH: I realise that it’s not centred around me. I wouldn’t simply go on strike–that would be mean. But I can still feel exploited and unwanted having made the effort to give Kirsty a nice day.

And if you could make that effort so that a new partner of your ex can enjoy it–well, you’re a better woman than me!

Oh, definitely: you were absolutely in the right, feeling upset. Just mediocre human behaviour.

Anyway, more fool her, now you’ve come lucky on the gee-gees. This time next year….