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Sole

  Wed 8th May 2013

Kim sent me a postcard, thanking me for "a truly wonderful time". It'll have a privileged place on my bedroom wall.

Yesterday, Trina and I coated the air with the fishy smell of kippers and lemon sole, then went for a drink before this month's wine tasting. It was the Veneto region, and I had some of the blandest whites I have ever tasted. "Wedding wine", someone said. "Hen party wine," she added. The reds were excellent though.

At the end of the evening I stood up to announce my next Belgian Beer Tasting, and my plans for an Anglo-French cider taste-off in July. Out of the corner of my eye, as I circulated and tried to gather people's email addresses, I could see Trina sitting sullenly.

In the pub afterwards, it all turned sour. She was annoyed that I was running the beer tasting on an evening I'd told her I'd be getting ready for my France holiday. "You told me you weren't going to do it that night, so I've made other plans." "I know darling--believe me, until half an hour ago, I didn't think I was doing it either. It was just with all those people there and people asking me about the last one, I decided to reinstate it."

What had up to then been a most enjoyable evening, descended into me fencing off her familiar riff, of how I constantly indicate I am not ready for any kind of commitment, about how I exclude her. "I just don't think about 'the relationship' very much, or as deeply as you do," I said--which irritated her even further.

Back here, I laid out my bed downstairs, to which I repair because of her snoring, before going back up to the bedroom. I started getting ready to get into bed with her. "No," she said. "You may as well go now."

I got up this morning and went upstairs to see if we could kiss and make up. She had gone, leaving a farewell note on the pillow, saying that she is "finishing this often lovely and often difficult relationship." A couple of weeks ago we booked a few days away in Strasbourg. "Take Kim," she said. "She'd love it," something which was said unenviously, with her customary generosity.

But on the substantive issue I think she's right: I'm unable to agree to what eventually I would find a stifling, conventional, dreary relationship. The thought of marriage repels me, and I had felt us drifting towards it, without the certificate.

9 comments

Men don’t think about The Relationship very much. We never do. We’re not hardwired the same way as girlies. We’re not a chick lit novel.

If you’re looking for an opinion (and why would you blog if you weren’t?) I’d say you should just leave her alone. She’s in for a dreary summer. Don’t make it worse for her.

I’ve been carrying on a flirtation with someone much, much younger on the other side of the planet. Long, salacious messages. She was liberal with photos. She sent a note this morning saying she found a fella. I’m happy for her but am surprised at how taken aback I am. So we both got our notes. What was coming. What we deserved.

Wed 8th May 2013 @ 12:18
Comment from: [Member]

Yeah I quite fancy Nursemyra too :)

Seriously though…Not you as well!? What are the chances of that? Sorry to hear that UB, even though, like me and Trina, there sounds something inevitable about it. Glad you enjoyed it while it lasted though.

I’ll have to contact her just for a couple of practical things. She’s left her coat here and I need to know what we’re going to do about Strasbourg, which is all paid for. I would actually like to go with Kim TBH. I’d ask Kitty or Erica but it’s in term time. If all else fails I’ll go on me tod.

Tomorrow the postcard that I sent her from Pity Me will arrive.

Wed 8th May 2013 @ 12:40
Comment from: furtheron [Visitor]

TBH this has been on the cards for a while hasn’t it?

I’m with UB leave her alone and try and move on.

Thu 9th May 2013 @ 11:27
Comment from: looby [Visitor]

You’re right my friend–we’ve been pushed into making a decision, and it’s the right one. She’s just been round for her lunch. It was amicable. We’ve decided to stay friends and still go to Strasbourg and do the other things that we’d arranged.

Thu 9th May 2013 @ 14:48
Comment from: Homer [Visitor]

“Just friends” until the next time you get drunk together and end having a “Why not” fuck, then Trina thinks you’re in a relationship again…

I hope I’m wrong of course,

Fri 10th May 2013 @ 07:33
Comment from: looby [Visitor]

Well, part of the arrangement we’ve agreed on is a no sex policy, because that would confuse the issue.

Fri 10th May 2013 @ 08:07
Comment from: smallbeds [Visitor]

Oh, that’s tough; but yes, I think a lot of us (yourself included) could see it coming. Good luck with that “no sex policy", mind you.

Sat 11th May 2013 @ 16:24
Comment from: [Member]

Hoping the ‘no sex’ friendship works out, and that you can still enjoy time together. She needs something you can’t give - best to let her move onward.

Sat 11th May 2013 @ 20:02
Comment from: looby [Visitor]

Yes–it’s been on the cards for a bit. There have been developments though! (Will post as soon as I can).

Sun 12th May 2013 @ 10:04


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