Thanatos (Shiraz and Amphetamine remix)

I love the start of your second para. Unfortunately this is the first time since I’ve known him that J hasn’t been able to get Christmas to New Year off, which I resent to an extreme and quite unreasonable degree.

That’s a shame. I think it’s quite reasonable to object to that.

So Ned was able to simply walk into your house and into you bedroom? Does he have a key or do you not lock the door? You seem very blasé about the whole thing. It’d have given me a fit.

I never lock the internal doors. He was just a bit drunk, nothing to worry about.

…nothing to worry about. This time. Take care.

You’re a very honest man, Looby. Very honest, indeed. Perhaps a bit too honest sometimes. Good thing Trina dragged you back home, hahahah.

I’m not so sure about Ned. Maybe he was looking for a threesome and didn’t dare ask. ;)

I like Trina. It’s very nice of her to deflate outside. Some people are not so thoughtful when it comes to body music, especially when they’re already into your bed!

Not just that, but she didn’t blush or got cross at you after your honest public question to her about oral sex. This is what I call “savoir-faire". Bravo for her!

It’s just one big uncouth Lancastrian knocking shop, complete with cheap condoms and numerous British Leyland Allegro keys in the fruit bowl. And guess who has the flatspot? No wonder people alight from the train at Carlisle. “Alla är mycket välkomna så länge man kan möta entrépriset.” Och no, I prefer my banana without custard, eh?

Bring back the misunderstood Serbian hitmen disguised as innocent student joiners, Xen San-Lo the sensual, but rather unshowered pouty asian lesbian. And last, but not least, Agamemnon, the blind Greek, wheelchair bound hermaphrodite, who doesn’t appear in the Looby saga until series III.

I think we’ve found the scriptwriter haven’t we?

But “uncouth"? I’ll have you know that the fornication in this house is conducted (usually) in a room containing a boxed set of the complete string quartets of Bartók only inches away from the normal landing place for the typical hastily removed bra.

It was nice of Trina to dispel her flatus outside the bedroom, but the detailed description of the purpose of her trip to the loo did little to sharpen the erotic appetite.

Although my question about whether she likes doing the hoovering seems a bit blunt when written down, it was a bit of a giddy evening all round and honestly, and it didn’t sound as bad in context. She’s used to me by now and expects only intermittent outbreaks of decorum.

“This time of the year feels delirious, timeless, abandoned.“

It does here as well, although saturated with gluttony and conspicuous consumption. This is why i choose to work through the holiday period, saving my vacation days for opportunities to go somewhere warm, or just take a proper mental health day when needed…

The house does have a bit of a fraternity feel to it, it seems. Bed crashers and flatulence…

My dear fellow, Bartóks dreary melodies, based simply on a diatonic scale, one might add, only maintain their tonal characteristics, including many accidentals up to all twelve tones of the chromatic scale, merely to ease the suffering of so many light sleepers. If your sexual rhythm is based purely on the musings of the aforementioned gentleman, then no wonder your lady love evacuates her feelings with such a volcanic extrusion. À ma connaissance, les dames préfèrent vous frappez dans quelques clous avec une entreprise, mais robinet rythmique du marteau, pas des déchets sur un taraudage tap tap.

And yes… uncouth.

Happy New Year and thanks for the entertaining stories.

I don’t find Bartók’s melodies dreary, and my memory of them is that they are neither mainly diatonic nor serialist. He was a folkorist and tried to fit the unencodable melodies of out-of-tune peasants who sang for him on the wrong side of a bottle of palinka into his classical frame. But such topics should be left until we meet over a pint in your home town and my workplace–and quickly dispatched for more interesting ones. As to the uncouth bit, look at the definition of “looby".

Thanks Jo, I’m glad it’s been of interest.