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Wendy likes it

  Wed 30th March 2016

A couple of Sundays ago I cooked the girls a Pakistani recipe from the Guardian, a dish of herbed cream cheese in chapattis. Kirsty and boyf turned up, all unfocused eyes, and garrulous of their hedonistic weekend, of which they reveal precisely enough.

Chapatti dough takes some rolling out, and I was going at it with the rolling pin. "Look at him," said Kirsty's boyf. "He's really determined to impress us." "Fucking Pakis," I said back. "Why can't they eat ordinary bread?"

My girls asked them about their weekend. They'd been to Clitheroe, and had a trawl round the charity shops. "She got this great top that you can see her nipples through," said boyf, and we all laughed.

Later the same evening, there was half an hour when it was just me and Kirsty. Somehow the conversation got onto the way that all three of our daughters are constantly policing themselves into bisexuality. They comment all the time on the physical attractiveness of women athletes, TV presenters, and so on. I said that I thought that for their generation toying with bisexualism was perhaps a substitute for the lack of subcultures.

"Has Fiona ever told you she's gay?" I asked.

"Yes, well, that's what's she's said to me, although how you can say that without having had a sexual experience that involves someone else I don't know."

"Well, we'll see. It's a bit fluid, isn't it, all your life."


We were altogether again on Easter Sunday. The hopeful-looking cat had her usual gelatinated suspension but the rest of us had a vegetarian roast.

Afterwards, the girls drifted off to giggle online and exclusively, and me and Kirsty took the second bottle into the kitchen. She asked me about the house I rent.

In a slightly more censored form than what follows, I told her: I am behind with my rent; I don't like the confounding of the financial and the emotional that has arisen because Seriouscrush, a woman for whom I had an involuntary overwhelming passion, is now my landlady. I dislike never knowing who is in when I get back, and lodgers shitting and pissing and flushing and stair-clomping on a schedule that doesn't match mine. I don't like being interpellated into an overseer, the rentier. And I don't like living on a mainly Muslim street, with its nice apartheid.

Kirsty nodded through all this with her customary patience. What followed was a great surprise.

She said that her and boyf have long wished to live together, and suggested that I could rent the house in which the girls have been brought up and still live, for the now small mortgage and the bills, and as well it being my home, we could keep it on as a permanent homely refuge for my daughters.

The idea of regaining some more practical and fatherly link with my daughters, and perhaps also have a closer friendship with Kirsty, is a most attractive one. I would love -- even that strong word is too weak -- to be more a part of my family again, rather than having to cope with the necessary distance of social relations involved in sharing a house with strangers.

I discussed all this excitedly with Trina, who said I could live on her narrowboat in the meantime if I wished. It's looking a bit unloved at the moment and in a state of cold, slow decay from being uninhabited. Its upkeep would be cheap and it would preserve an asset for her.

I spent a long time composing an email to Seriouscrush about this. Putting the computer and myself to bed, I immediately felt a happy relief that my days here are numbered.


Wendy and Kitty took me out for my birthday to the yoghurt-knitters' cafe. We had a couple of Wendy's spacecakes and were feeling that unstable borderline delirium that that produces. Kitty went to the loo and Wendy and I were alone for a couple of minutes. "The problem with this stuff is," she said, "is that it makes you quite randy."

"It does me too. Especially in certain circumstances." I looked at her and she understood.

"You were keeping yourself busy last night as well," she said, which is a reference to a sex-laden text I sent her in the small hours.

"You know Wendy, you've only got to say a word and they'll stop immediately. "Looby. You know I like it."

We went back to hers, put some music on and had a dance, her putting her arms around me at times. Why can't we be lovers, Wendy?

10 comments

Comment from: Homer [Visitor]

Speaking as a youth worker it seems to be de rigeur for teens to proclaim bisexuality these days. Hell, it was even in my day, but only girls back then, and we all knew damn well they were only fake-snogging girls to make the boys notice them.

It’s amazing how many self-confessed bisexual girls end up married to men, with several children.

Wed 30th March 2016 @ 21:22
Comment from: looby [Visitor]

Yes, I subscribe to a magazine in which that is a highly effective way of getting my attention :)

Well, I’m not bothered either way. I want them to be happy, whoever that’s with.

Wed 30th March 2016 @ 21:53

Not to sound crass but do you have the means to cover the rent on the house? What’ll it be vs. what you’re paying now? Is it a wash? Seems like a promotion to me.

Thu 31st March 2016 @ 11:46
Comment from: [Member]

A “wash"? What’s that? A swindle? A con?

Exile, it’s not at all crass to ask about money. It’s essential. “Money isn’t everything” my arse.

The “rent” – in fact, the remnants of the mortgage that me and Kirsty took out when I was on loadsamoney in London years ago – would be about £200 / month cheaper than what I’m paying here, and I’m going to propose an arrangement of passionate secret sex with Seriouscrush where I could take a bit of a profit from managing this house for her.

In addition, I’d like to get a bit more work anyway, to get the Tax Credit people off my back. It’s all change here in the UK at the moment as they’re trying to move lower earners onto a much more punitive and controlling regime called “Universal Credit” (what a misnomer – if only we could all have a social wage). I’d rather just claim nothing if possible.

Thu 31st March 2016 @ 13:07

A wash means the same. Is the amount you’re going to pay the same as the amount you’re paying right now?

Glad to hear you’re interested in a bit more work. The layabout stuff gets old (although I’d like to try it myself just to see how long that takes).

Fri 1st April 2016 @ 18:50
Comment from: looby [Visitor]

Oh right, I see thanks. Now, come on Exile, pay attention – as I said in my previous comment, it’s 200/m cheaper.

And I’m only going to start working more hours because I need the money. I’ve absolutely no interest in working, intrinsically. My life is full and enjoyable, and time spent working to me is an absolute waste.

Fri 1st April 2016 @ 19:01
Comment from: [Member]

Great news on the potential shift in living arrangements - i could almost hear the weight lifting from your shoulders as Kirsty brought forward the proposal!

Tue 5th April 2016 @ 03:20
Comment from: looby [Visitor]

Yes, it’s all quite exciting. Think it’ll be mutually beneficial for all of us. And to be able to live in a warm house again! :)

Tue 5th April 2016 @ 09:40
Comment from: furtheron [Visitor]

The potential living arrangements sound really good - hope that all comes together.

Wed 6th April 2016 @ 09:15
Comment from: [Member]

Thanks – I’m looking forward to it.

And of course I can more easily invite da laydeez home :)

Wed 6th April 2016 @ 11:11


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