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Not you, Dad

  Sun 17th September 2017

It was Trina's birthday last week. We went to the pub and had Prosecco and a pie. We went back to hers, where in bed, she did that writhing, please fuck me, which I did not indulge. There is only one girl I want to fuck, and love; neither will ever happen.

It was the annual house music weekender in St Annes. Two-and-a-half days and nights of house music, which to many people would sound like torture, but for us, it's subculturally indulgent. Overheard in the pub: "Who said you could sit here you Burnley bastard? I'd rather sit next to a Paki. I'd rather sit next to Bin Laden." "You'd have a job, 'cos he's fucking dead." "You'll be dead if you sit here you fucking Burnley bastard."

And then last night, a shock, the intensity of which I still can't dim.

Later today, my youngest is off to Liverpool University. Ever since they expressed an interest in going to University, I have just assumed that I would be there, with Kirsty and her boyfriend, at their halls, settling them in and biting my lip as we arrange their crockery and make sure they have enough things to eat and exchanging a few pleasantries with equally distressed parents.

Last night, I was at Kirsty's, all of us sitting around having a last supper, slagging off the contestants on X Factor. Melanie had had a pre-university haircut which makes her prettier. I didn't say that I preferred the more doleful, lank hair of her late adolescence.

Melanie, her sisters, Kirsty and her boyf are going down in boyfriend's car. Knowing there wouldn't be room for me in the car, I had planned to get a train to Liverpool. I asked where would be the best place to meet them.

"Well, why don't you come down a bit later, maybe a bit later in the term. The new computer will have arrived by then and you could take it to her," said Kirsty. I looked to Melanie for help in such a gut-wrenching rejection, but she just nodded in assent. Every member of my family, bar me, will be there. I am not allowed to accompany my youngest to University today as she leaves home. I sat there stunned, a reservoir of tears building behind my eyes, making comments about the X Factor contestants to display an inscouciant cover for the worst rejection I have ever had.

I am up at 6am wondering why. Wondering how bad a Dad have I been to make them not want me there. I'm not a horrible person. I don't deserve this. Is this going to be repeated then? Should I not buy the tickets to Loughborough and Bristol for the other two? Am I to be excluded for their leaving as well? Wendy and I are going Kitty's at 10am today for one of our brief little mornings together, --Wendy's controlling, jealous ex thinking that it's just Kitty and Wendy -- but I'm not going to be great company.


Comment from: orangutan grinder [Visitor]

She’ll get over the boring bit with K and then you go down and meet her friends. Best of all possible worlds.

Sun 17th September 2017 @ 09:49 Reply to this comment
Comment from: looby [Visitor]

Well, it’ll be good to have an excuse to get down to Liverpool. Still feel a bit upset but we’ve just all got to man up today and get it done.

Sun 17th September 2017 @ 11:37 Reply to this comment
Comment from: Homer [Visitor]

Don’t feel rejected. My honest take - feel free to tell me it’s bollocks - is that your youngest just doesn’t see it as a big a deal as you do. When I went to uni it was much less significant for me than for my parents - I was thinking hmm, let’s see if I like this, might be home by Bonfire Night.

You see loads of the girls and you’ve obviously got a great relationship with them - I’m sure it’s not a calculated snub.

Sun 17th September 2017 @ 16:27 Reply to this comment
Comment from: [Member]

You’re right Homer – the actual send-off was clearly much more moving for me and K than it was for Melanie.

I am fucking worried sick about her tonight though and am keeping my phone on just in case.

Sun 17th September 2017 @ 22:42 Reply to this comment
Comment from: kono [Visitor]

Homer’s right you know, it’s a bigger deal for parents, when i went to uni i couldn’t wait for them to get on home so i could get to the drinking, drugging and chasing girls, i realize now as a kid you never think about how your parents feel, it’s just how things work me thinks… beside move-in day is a fucking mess, you’d do well to stay away from that shite, starts off okay but things go pear-shaped fast with emotions and tensions running high, go down later once she’s settled in, it’ll be much better… and you’ll always worry, that’s what makes you a good dad, the shite ones could care less…

and i’d like you to take a gander at the last lounge post, about a little job offer i had years ago on that island of yours ;)

Mon 18th September 2017 @ 15:10 Reply to this comment
Comment from: looby [Visitor]

As ever, it wasn’t that bad once I’d got over myself. I met one of my dancey / housey friends in Liverpool who was returning her daughter to the second year of Uni, and we sat in the sun and talked about this and that.

Sorry you’ve had to give me a prod about your post kono – I’m working FT now and I have no idea how people find any time to do anything!

Tue 19th September 2017 @ 09:16 Reply to this comment
Comment from: kono [Visitor]

No need to apologize my good man, just thought you might find it interesting, my would be boss got 27 years, in America he’d have gotten life, my friend had sent me the link to the article detailing what happened, there’s more to it as well, he actually escaped once to a far off land before coming back, how he did it and then came back is baffling to me, the night before the first time he was supposed to go to prison he had someone call me from the pub cuz he wanted to talk to me, we had a 45 minute conversation, the next day he split the country, looking back i guess it definitely hasn’t been boring, lol!! and people wonder why i don’t feel like leaving the house anymore…

Tue 19th September 2017 @ 14:15 Reply to this comment
Comment from: looby [Visitor]

It was a fascinating tale kono – and your addition to it above makes it even more interesting. I’m surprised the police weren’t round to your as soon as they knew who he was ringing. I wonder if you fancy telling me offline who it was.

Tue 19th September 2017 @ 19:33 Reply to this comment

Surely, you, of all people can understand Trina’s writhing? It’s all so vicious and circular.

You think two and a half days of house music is torture? Do you know what the hottest, most expensive ticket on Broadway right now is? Bette Midler in ‘Hello Dolly.’ I’d rather immolate myself.

Sorry about the rejection. It matters little if your daughter didn’t think anything of the departure. It mattered to you and that’s what counts. Now, THERE’S something you’ll carry around for quite some time.

Wed 20th September 2017 @ 12:05 Reply to this comment
Comment from: daisyfae [Visitor]

i understand why this hurt… but i’m going to pile on with the comments above. She has no concept of why this matters to you, and probably wants everyone gone as soon as possible. When you visit mid-term, you’ll have more one-on-one time, and she’ll have adventures to share with you!

Rather than another unpleasant surprise with the other two, perhaps you can discuss this with Kirsty, letting her know how much it hurt. Maybe she has no clue either?

Wed 20th September 2017 @ 18:30 Reply to this comment
Comment from: kono [Visitor]

I can do that, do i use the contact link found at the bottom? once you know all you have to do is google it and you’ll find it.

Thu 21st September 2017 @ 16:54 Reply to this comment
Comment from: looby [Visitor]

Thanks kono – you can use the contact form or send an email to loobyloo at loobynet dot co uk

Fri 22nd September 2017 @ 08:05 Reply to this comment

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