Mon 11th January 2021

Mel and I went on an essential business trip on New Year's Eve, which required hotel accommodation. There were two receptionists on duty; fortunately we got the Spanish one, who was less searching in his questions than his English colleague, who was asking for proof that the man he was checking in was in Bristol for work.

We had a completely enjoyable eighteen hours together. Drunkenness, and the kind of unhard, laughing sex that alcohol can produce, then I woke her in the middle of the night with something more serious, which continued episodically till late morning.

"You're a funny one looby." "Am I?" "Yes, all the clothes and shoes and rape fantasies." I thought "rape fantasy" was a bit of an overstatement but lit up at the casual, permissive way she said the phrase. "I didn't expect any of this from you."

Saturday morning and Cath is chatty as I make my coffee. She tells me that her and Ingrid are interested in a shared ownership flat which they want to buy. She will have to persuade the landlord to terminate our lease five months early, but should that be granted I'd have to start looking for a place around the end of March. I'd love to find somewhere self-contained if at all possible, and make a love nest where I can indulge my "rape fantasies" with a willing subject.

I discuss it with Mel, all the practical obstacles conjured away by a deus ex machina, gabbling on about the food I'd like to make for her, the films we could watch together, and of course, the sex we could have.

I was in a card shop on Saturday. Good-looking fortysomething running it, in a scarlet dress, reaching just below the thigh.

I was picking up some cards and reading them and she came up to me and she said "sorry sir, but could you only touch things you'd like to buy?"

This cheered me up a great deal. It really did look like a card shop.

6 comments

Comment from: Scarlet [Visitor]

Blimey - that’s a line isn’t it?!

Meanwhile, so Cath has finally given up on you making an advance on her?!
Sx

Tue 12th January 2021 @ 08:39 Reply to this comment

Comment from: looby [Visitor]

Well, she knows I’m spoken for now. For once I think I did something sensible in not responding to her advances – if that’s what they were.

Tue 12th January 2021 @ 09:36 Reply to this comment

Comment from: kono [Visitor]

Well for a second there i thought this post was going to be about Cath with a strap-on and some weirdness, lol!!

and being the horrible flirt that i can be, i’d have smiled at Card Lady and asked if there was anywhere to try her on, lol!

Thu 14th January 2021 @ 15:18 Reply to this comment

Comment from: looby [Visitor]

An identical thought was coursing through my mind kono! :)

Fri 15th January 2021 @ 17:35 Reply to this comment

Comment from: Jonathan [Visitor]

I had some pretty identical thoughts to Kono when reading the title. On the other hand, I absolutely can’t claim to have been so quick on the uptake around the finishing punchline. I was actually half way round the Co-op last night (which was a good hour after reading the post) when it suddenly dawned on me: ‘Oh.. as in.. Looby knew it was a card shop but the thing the woman said made it seem like it was another kind of shop entirely. And not one you would find in a respectable part of town!’

I laughed out loud right there in the cheese aisle, you will be pleased to know.

Fri 15th January 2021 @ 18:26 Reply to this comment

Comment from: looby [Visitor]

Yes I am pleased to know - anything to increase the sum total of chortling is good.

I wonder if she’s twigged by now that it’s quite a suggestive form of words.

Sat 16th January 2021 @ 00:00 Reply to this comment

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looby, n.; pl. loobies. A lout; an awkward, stupid, clownish person

M / 57 / Bristol, "the most beautiful, interesting and distinguished city in England" -- John Betjeman [1961, source eludes me].

"Looby is a left-wing intellectual who is obsessed with a) women's clothes and b) tits." -- Joy of Bex.

WLTM literate woman, 40-65. Must have nice tits, a PhD, and an mdma factory in the shed, although the first on its own will do in the short term.

There are plenty of bastards who drink moderately. Of course, I don't consider them to be people. They are not our comrades.
Sergei Korovin, quoted in Pavel Krusanov, The Blue Book of the Alcoholic

I am here to change my life. I am here to force myself to change my life.
Chinese man I met during Freshers Week at Lancaster University, 2008

The more democratised art becomes, the more we recognise in it our own mediocrity.
James Meek

Tell me, why is it that even when we are enjoying music, for instance, or a beautiful evening, or a conversation in agreeable company, it all seems no more than a hint of some infinite felicity existing apart somewhere, rather than actual happiness – such, I mean, as we ourselves can really possess?
Turgenev, Fathers and Sons

I hate the iPod; I hate the idea that music is such a personal thing that you can just stick some earplugs in your ears and have an experience with music. Music is a social phenomenon.
Jeremy Wagner

La vie poetique has its pleasures, and readings--ideally a long way from home--are one of them. I can pretend to be George Szirtes.
George Szirtes

Using words well is a social virtue. Use 'fortuitous' once more to mean 'fortunate' and you move an English word another step towards the dustbin. If your mistake took hold, no-one who valued clarity would be able to use the word again.
John Whale

One good thing about being a Marxist is that you don't have to pretend to like work.
Terry Eagleton, What Is A Novel?, Lancaster University, 1 Feb 2010

The working man is a fucking loser.
Mick, The Golden Lion, Lancaster, 21 Mar 2011

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Cath takes me by surprise

6 comments

looby, n.; pl. loobies. A lout; an awkward, stupid, clownish person

Rummage in my drawers

The Comfort of Strangers

"Just sit still and listen" - woman to teenage girl at Elliott Carter weekend, London 2006

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