-2

Oh dear... that went wrong all of a sudden. I rang Felicity who, after chatting aimiably for a few minutes said, in a calm way, that she wants to "give it a rest", although later in the call she referred to "what we had" and various other formulations in the past tense. She wanted to know "where it's going" seeing as we don't actually have much in common. I knew this was going to happen at some point. I've never seen this as a relationship and that fundamental difference between us isn't going to be resolved.

I went to the off-licence before it closed, after which I bumped into my friend who had had the same idea and who took me into his front room where Johnny Mathis's Stone In Love With You was playing on his beautiful looking and sounding hifi. Then I rang Frances, and we had a rather tortuous 40 minutes trying to arrange a long weekend away, her checking dates on the internet as we talked, me being perhaps slightly irritatingly tentative because I can't say when precisely I'll be needed to look after the children.

Five minutes later, I get an email saying that she's fed up with being "bottom of the list" in my priorities, that's it's too much effort, and that I'm too busy. Then, a text saying it's not working out and that we should stop it before we fall out.

That's a shame.

It's striking that this has happened within days of an online friend of mine having met someone he thinks might be his soulmate. It hasn't been straightforward for him at all, and still isn't, but reading his brief public messages about it struck a chord in me. It made me feel uncomfortably aware of how impatient I am, happy to settle temporarily for almost anyone willing to get in bed with me. I knew almost immediately, both with Felicity and Frances, that they would never be more than friends.

Update 1700: got back from lovely afternoon with one of my daughters, rambling up a local crag, picking wild raspberries and a late and huge pub lunch; then got home to find a slightly unpleasant email from Frances saying, amongst other things, that she has never found our "drunken shagging" enjoyable, in any way. She's not talking about sex, of course, she's talking about the incompatible views of our relationship, just as Felicity was in a more articulate and honest way.

I replied "Well, that's certainly very clear. All the best and thanks for some really lovely times. Looby."

Which sounds better than "Fuck off then. I enjoyed it and you did too, you lying cow." From now on, I'm going to be friendly and polite, at the level you would be, say, to a visiting academic colleague. That'll piss her off.