An old one about F and the Occitan night at Kendal

I spent a lot of this week exhausted, looking dreadful, deep black bags under my eyes. Getting pissed and having sex with Frances, who says she's not a big drinker but will get through a bottle of wine herself then invite me to have a glass from the second bottle as a way of exculpating herself to herself. Then staying up till 4am to finish a bit for my PhD, feeling absolutely ragged tired. I went to Leeds for my PhD supervision and Martin liked most the passages I wrote at 3am. "It gets better here..." "Well, that's what I wrote pissed late at night," I didn't say.

I went straight from Leeds to Kendal to meet Seriouscrush and her boyf for a night of Occitan music from Marseilles. It was dark and I liked it. I don't like how she effortlessly makes me feel attracted to her. I roam my eyes over her when I can't be seen doing it. But it's all intellectual. In the pub afterwards, they were slagging off the audience for being detached. But they are. Seriouscrush and her boyfriend like each other because they're both a bit cold.

Frances, somehow, I can't remember how, possibly because she keeps a diary in her head of the things I say, found out that there was a slight overlap when I'd been having sex with Felcity whilst having sex with her, and we had a bit of an awkward chat on Thursday about it, me feeling annoyed with her for her retrospectively holding me to a fidelity I've never promised. I told her that I was just hedging my bets, that I didn't know if it would work out with us so I was keeping Felicity in reserve. I bit my lip a lot and we went to bed, where, despite ourselves, it worked well.

I got up early, feeling awful, went to Leeds, then found this email with the subject "Honesty" in which she complained about me not telling her that I was occasionally sleeping with Felicity whilst sleeping with her. As if being honest with people all the time would end in anything other than disaster. I couldn't be bothered talking about it any more, so I replied saying "Oh fuckity fuck, I've just see your email. All I can say is, you've got me now. I don't want anyone else. I want you."

She replied saying "I haven't 'got' you! That sounds so proprietorial." But you really hate it if I sleep with someone else, I didn't say. Of course she hates that. I'd feel the same way. But I'm not sleeping with anyone else

It's all worked out OK and This is how I feel about you: Let me dress you baby Wear that dress for me When I get you home babe Take it off slowly Oh babe, I wanna do you, I wanna do you, I wanna do you baby do you, I wanna do you, I wanna do you babe, do you babe http://loobynet.co.uk/media/Eric_Benet_Weekend_Girl.mp3