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No tapas for you

  Mon 28th March 2011

I seem to have lost another friend (that's two in as many weeks).

I was almightily displeased when at 5.00 yesterday Bridget cancelled, by text, a long-standing arrangement to take me out for some tapas for a late birthday present. She's done this a few times. Several confirming emails at weekly intervals, then a sudden cancellation, citing the no doubt genuine reason of work pressure. Now she wants to "rearrange" this one too, for some weeks hence.

Taking firm control of my lip, I wrote back saying "...I realise that my desk is a lot clearer than yours, but I also have to co-ordinate things with Kirsty and the girls and when I arrange a night out it means that she has to turn down offers too. We can't cultivate a friendship on this basis, because I have no reason to think (through reasons you can't help - I do understand that) that it won't have to be cancelled again."

She wrote back saying "Yes, sorry, I do understand everything you say. All the best, Bridget."

I was completely taken aback by the baldness of that response, and stared at it for some time, thinking that she'd put up more of a fight. It's a sudden end to three years of dinners and chats, someone I told everything to. Part of me now feels like a fool for trusting her with all that information, when what matters most to her is work.

It's all for the best. Perhaps we can just meet up spontaneously from time to time, although at the moment I feel so pissed off with her that I no desire to do that. Muttering to myself, I wandered into town to buy something to eat instead of the tapas, where I serendipitously bumped into Linda. We spent half an evening down the pub where I was able to get it all of my chest.

It was hectically busy and they made a mistake with the order and we got a free pint. I found the little button which controls the music in the room, so was able to blank some of the din in the pub. The barman came into the room to turn it back up. A couple of minutes later I turned it back down again.


Comment from: [Member]

oh, how lucky you were to find that little music volume button! surely a sign that i’m getting old, i find i can’t hear myself think in a loud pub… turning into my mother…

Tue 29th March 2011 @ 22:27
Comment from: [Member]

ello daisyfae! Nice to see you see you here.

It was so loud in there, the people shrieking and doing a performance of conversation ratther than conversation itself.

Yes, re the secret volume button - it’s great having discovered it. I only wish I could get hold of the main volume control now, but that’s behind the bar.

Wed 30th March 2011 @ 00:21
Comment from: Sarsparilla [Visitor]

Well done for setting clear boundaries. She will probably re-emerge, and be a good person again one day, and it’ll be easier if people have been honest about it in the meantime.
If it’s any consolation, half the people I know can’t afford to say no at work these days, for fear of the big R coming at them.

Mon 4th April 2011 @ 15:01
Comment from: [Member]

It is great to see your name in the comments box V xx

I’m sure the R-word is in her mind, as you say, but we just need to do what me and Linda do very successfully - text or phone on the offchance that the other’s available now, or in an hour or so.

Tue 5th April 2011 @ 09:04

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