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Please adjust your socks before leaving

  Mon 5th December 2011

I fell into a slough of despond late last night; perversely, after having arranged, yesterday afternoon, to meet Mary-Ann. My pleasure at a date being fixed soon disappeared as I started to wonder whether this will work: spending a fortune every five weeks to go to Sheffield to have a snog in a pub? That's a very expensive and unspontaneous way of getting a monthly kiss. I looked at her excited, teenager-ish email she sent me a few minutes after sorting the date out, and felt distant from it.

She texted me late last night and again this morning, a gentle, witty enquiry about why I've gone quiet (in comparison to our normal volumes of communication). Because sometimes I think this isn't going to work, I didn't say. "Not at all darling - just wanted to reply to your lovely emails properly x".

I was moaning about this to my housemates, who met on a beach in Croatia four summers ago and are still together, and Stefan cheered me up a bit when he confidently said "It will work. If it can work between Croatia [where he lived] and Hungary [whence Csilla was on holiday], it can work in Leicester."


But never mind, at least I can go into Saturday's meeting with Mary-Ann knowing how to flirt using my socks. An article in the local paper, "Does He Fancy You?" includes the following hitherto unrevealed secret of the subsconcious flirter.

He'll fiddle with his socks and pull them up. If a guy pulls up or adjusts his socks in your presence, it's an almost 100 per cent sign he's interested and trying to look his best.

Unfortunately, "adjusting" his socks may be the last thing of any subtlety of which he is capable, for the tips continue thus:

He'll let you see him checking out your body. Some experts call it 'visual voyaging' - his eyes take a little cruise around your body, stopping momentarily at the prettiest ports. Here's he letting you see him do it. The message is 'I'm considering you!'

Considering? What a strange word for slathering lechery. Whilst, to be honest, I must admit to have been on the occasional visual voyage from time to time, I can't say that I've ever used sock adjustment to demonstrate an interest in a woman.

9 comments

Comment from: nursemyra [Visitor]
Tue 6th December 2011 @ 11:43
Comment from: [Member]

Thanks Nursey - that looks like a film worth keeping an eye out for. As to the message, I have no idea what “love” is, and even if I did, I don’t believe that anything’s inevitable. Simply waiting around - I’ve tried that. It doesn’t work.

Tue 6th December 2011 @ 12:11
Comment from: Hannah Joy Curious [Visitor]  

I really want to know what paper you’ve been reading! As advice goes, this is gold. Priceless even. However I’d be concerned if a bloke started adjusting his socks in my presence because that would be…plain weird. Now, do *you* want to become the sock weirdo?

Tue 6th December 2011 @ 14:13
Comment from: [Member]

It’s the Lancaster Guardian. Follow their advice Hannah and you’ll have a sock-fiddling lech all over you.

Tue 6th December 2011 @ 17:06
Comment from: Homer [Visitor]

You’ve certainly changed your tune, young man.

I know we teachers are super-busy but we do earn okay money; couldn’t she make the trip to glamorous Lancaster now and again?

You didn’t pull your socks up ONCE in that marquee in Melton last October, you rude shit. (… joke)

Tue 6th December 2011 @ 20:58
Comment from: [Member]

He he..:) well if we end up having a pie again (and I will remind you of this next Autumn) I will get my finest Argyles out for you.

Just a bit of déjà vu, me doing the travelling all the bloody time, not sure if it’ll work, and really wishing for a girl next door (except they’re Muslims and the pillar box Ninja turtle chic doesn’t really do it for me). I will have to start selling the delights of rain-soaked Lancaster - although there’s a nice free double room here into which rain does not penetrate (ooer).

Tue 6th December 2011 @ 21:09

You silly young man.

Firstly, EVERYBODY uses lies and subterfuge to get what they want. You just have to learn not to feel guilty about it.

Secondly, it’s obviously a type. The article should have read “fiddling with his cock”

Wed 7th December 2011 @ 06:21

oops, typeshould rad typo

Wed 7th December 2011 @ 06:22

shit. TYPE SHOULD READ TYPO.

Hint: Never blog/comment/pst after 4 whiskies and a day of school.

Wed 7th December 2011 @ 06:24


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