Gay Nazi Sex Vicar in Schoolgirl Knickers Vice Disco Lawnmower Shock!
« Blow UpSilly point »

Bilge

  Thu 23rd August 2012

A quiet week in the newsrooms of rural Lancashire

Trina and I took advantage of one of yesterday's few periods without rain to rig up, somewhat ineptly, a tarpaulin, over the rear end--there's probably a correct nautical term--of her narrowboat. The rain is seeping into the engine enclosure below, and the pump which should detect it and pump it out doesn't work.

The one advantage of the task is that one gets justifiably to use the term "bilge pump". The word "bilge" sounds ridiculous, but to succumb to the tittering amusement afforded by repeatedly saying it with an exaggerrated plosive consonant can sometimes, on a narrowboat, end in farce.

Trina told me to move out of the way and hop onto the bank, so that she could do something involving eyes and knots. The boat sometimes drifts a bit from the canalside, as the fastening ropes continually loosen. Forgetting this fact, I stepped back and fell into the canal. I did a panicked doggie paddle for a few moments before realising that my feet had found the bottom of the canal, and that the water was only about three feet deep.

Peeling my trousers off, struggling against their evident desire to remain wetly clamped to my legs, I discovered that my manoeuvres had caused a rip in the left buttock region. Trina found a safety pin and effected a temporary repair. This required a careful gait on my walk home to avoid a public and a private distress: underpant exposure and/or a stabbed buttock.

12 comments

Comment from: young at heart [Visitor]

yep…that made me laugh!!

Thu 23rd August 2012 @ 12:13
Comment from: [Member]

Well, it’s a rite of passage. You haven’t been on a canal until you’ve been in one.

Thu 23rd August 2012 @ 12:29
Comment from: furtheron [Visitor]

Stern. That is the word for the back of the boat not me being disapproving…

Thu 23rd August 2012 @ 13:00
Comment from: [Member]

Of course! That’s the word. Don’t think I’ll be cutting an impressive jib in the yacht club quite yet.

Thu 23rd August 2012 @ 13:14
Comment from: Kolley Kibber [Visitor]

It’ll be deck shoes all the way before you know it.

Thu 23rd August 2012 @ 18:20

Go on, admit it. You deliberately fell into the canal so that Trina would have to pull your trousers off.

I’ve never had a bilge pump, but I think I’ve got something better.

I’ve got a sump pump, and it works. The alliteration is somehow mildly amusing.

Thu 23rd August 2012 @ 18:42
Comment from: [Member]

KK: There’s a C/c -onservatism about canal boating types that I don’t want any part of. “We’ve made it cos we own a boat.” You can see it beaming from them. Clothes from Ethel Austin, politics from Margaret Thatcher.

TSB: Assonance that is, not alliteration. But what’s a sump and why does it need pumping?

Thu 23rd August 2012 @ 21:31

You’re quite right looby, how could I have made such a basic mistake?

*shame*

Ah, well, such is the fate of someone who learns how things actually work (You know, the hard stuff, maths, engineering, programming etc.)

Hwever, a sump is a depression in an area liable to flooding, like a floor of a basement, or Cheryl Cole’s juicy bits.

When it detects moisture, it starts to pump. Just like Cheryl Cole really.

Fri 24th August 2012 @ 09:56
Comment from: [Member]

You’d be a lot more practical use on a narrowboat than I am. Literary terms are of limited use when your engine conks out.

From what you’re saying, it sounds like it’s in fact a sump pump, and I could have been talking bilge. However, I can say I wouldn’t touch Cheryl Cole with a barge pole.

Fri 24th August 2012 @ 10:11
Comment from: [Member]

‘bilge’ is a word i don’t like. right up there with ‘moist’. glad you could have fun with it, though.

and how did you manage to do a doggie paddle in 3′ of water? THAT’S talent!

Fri 24th August 2012 @ 13:06
Comment from: Homer [Visitor]

It’s a bit of a slow week in Suffolk too.

http://bit.ly/OzPlpG

Fri 24th August 2012 @ 13:10
Comment from: [Member]

Homer: What a relief–the cat is not interested in it.

DF: a) by being at a bit of tipped back angle, and b) momentarily thinking that one of the shallowest canals in the United Kingdom was in fact a branch of the Mariana Trench.

Fri 24th August 2012 @ 13:14


Form is loading...

looby, n.; pl. loobies. A lout; an awkward, stupid, clownish person


M / 56 / Bristol, "the most beautiful, interesting and distinguished city in England" -- John Betjeman [1961, source eludes me].

"Looby is a left-wing intellectual who is obsessed with a) women's clothes and b) tits." -- Joy of Bex.

WLTM literate woman, 40-65. Must have nice tits, a PhD, and an mdma factory in the shed, although the first on its own will do in the short term.


There are plenty of bastards who drink moderately. Of course, I don't consider them to be people. They are not our comrades.
Sergei Korovin, quoted in Pavel Krusanov, The Blue Book of the Alcoholic

I am here to change my life. I am here to force myself to change my life.
Chinese man I met during Freshers Week at Lancaster University, 2008

The more democratised art becomes, the more we recognise in it our own mediocrity.
James Meek

Tell me, why is it that even when we are enjoying music, for instance, or a beautiful evening, or a conversation in agreeable company, it all seems no more than a hint of some infinite felicity existing apart somewhere, rather than actual happiness – such, I mean, as we ourselves can really possess?
Turgenev, Fathers and Sons

I hate the iPod; I hate the idea that music is such a personal thing that you can just stick some earplugs in your ears and have an experience with music. Music is a social phenomenon.
Jeremy Wagner

La vie poetique has its pleasures, and readings--ideally a long way from home--are one of them. I can pretend to be George Szirtes.
George Szirtes

Using words well is a social virtue. Use 'fortuitous' once more to mean 'fortunate' and you move an English word another step towards the dustbin. If your mistake took hold, no-one who valued clarity would be able to use the word again.
John Whale

One good thing about being a Marxist is that you don't have to pretend to like work.
Terry Eagleton, What Is A Novel?, Lancaster University, 1 Feb 2010

The working man is a fucking loser.
Mick, The Golden Lion, Lancaster, 21 Mar 2011

The Comfort of Strangers

23.1.16: Big clearout of the defunct and dormant and dull
16.1.19: Further pruning

If your comment box looks like this, I'm afraid I sometimes can't be bothered with all that palarver just to leave a comment.

63 mago
Another Angry Voice
the asshat lounge
Clutter From The Gutter
Crinklybee
Eryl Shields Ink
Exile on Pain Street
Fat Man On A Keyboard
gairnet provides: press of blll defunct, but retained for its quality
George Szirtes ditto
Guitars and Life
Infomaniac [NSFW]
The Joy of Bex
Laudator Temporis Acti
London's Singing Organ-Grinder
The Most Difficult Thing Ever
Quillette
Strange Flowers
Trailer Park Refugee
Wonky Words

"Just sit still and listen" - woman to teenage girl at Elliott Carter weekend, London 2006

5:4
Bristol New Music
Desiring Progress Collection of links only
Golden Pages for Musicologists
Lauren Redhead
NewMusicBox
The Rambler
Resonance FM
Sequenza 21
Sound and Music
Talking Musicology defunct, but retained


  XML Feeds

powered by b2evolution
 

©2020 by looby. Don't steal anything or you'll have a 9st arts graduate to deal with.

Contact | Help | b2evo skin by Asevo | PHP framework