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Deflation

  Thu 29th August 2013

I was attending to Trina in the kitchen, fascinated, as ever, by her outstanding front elevation, when we happened upon a structural failure. We were at the jumper removal stage of the procedure, when her bra pinged, releasing a bit of wire about four inches long that suddenly sprang up vertically between her cleavage. Considering that my face is often very close to her tits, it was fortunate that the wayward bit of scaffolding arose at a time when I was at a safe distance. I am as keen to acquire amusing bra-related anecdotes as the next man, but not at the cost of losing an eye.


The lack of the £263 that the lodger owes me is causing me great difficulty and I am now in the unpleasant situation of issuing a Notice to Quit. I can't rely on the income from lodgers any more. I need more money if I am to remain living here.

So, hours and hours on an application for a part-time job which pays 6.5K. Although I've tried to make it impossible for them not to interview me, I very much doubt I will be called. I have two fatal flaws which prevent me from entering unto the citadel of school administration: I am a man, and I am forty-nine years old. But you never know, perhaps they will choose an over-qualified bloke knocking on fifty over a pencil-skirted biddable young lassie.

11 comments

Comment from: furtheron [Visitor]

You don’t stand a chance on the job. These days there is hardly anyone over 25 in a school as an old governor friend of mine said “they are dirt cheap and work so hard thinking they will get on. Two year and they rumble it and move on” sad but true

Thu 29th August 2013 @ 20:21
Comment from: looby [Visitor]

I’m sure you’re right F. It’s difficult trying to rustle up any shred of hope that I’ll make the cut.

Thu 29th August 2013 @ 21:42

I didn’t think that modern bras used wire at all. Are you sure it wasn’t something else?

Speaking as someone who is intimately familiar with school admin staff, I’d say you had a good chance. We want efficiency above all else, but stay of the pills at interview time.

Thu 29th August 2013 @ 23:53
Comment from: [Member]

“Intimately familiar” with the admin staff? I do hope you haven’t been getting over-excited with Doreen as she fumbles with her new box of marker pens.

Thank you–I could do it with one hand tied behind my back. And given that it’s in a 6th form college that might be a sensible approach to the job.

The erect prong that sprang up in front of Trina’s cleavage looked a bit like that stretchy curtain wire that people use for net curtains. I just hope this incident doesn’t create a precedent and provoke Benny Hill-type giggling next time I start manhandling Trina’s bosoms.

I bought this new bed from France the other day but had to get them to take it back. Every time I lay down on it, it went “Dor-dogne".

Thu 29th August 2013 @ 23:59

If you’re going to lose an eye, this is probably the best way to go about it.

Why don’t you just use your charm during the interview? Cast a spell on their empty, administrative heads.

Fri 30th August 2013 @ 12:05
Comment from: [Member]

I’m not sure I can bring much charm to an interview. I can either try honesty, which would be something like “I’m in the mire and I just need something fairly undemanding and local to bail me out for a while. Don’t think I’ll be staying"; or the Newspeak version, about wanting to contribute to the life of the school in a positive way which builds on my past exper…. drone drone bore waffle.

I suppose it’s a question of turning the honest version round to something that might sound more attractive to an employer.

Fri 30th August 2013 @ 12:49
Comment from: Homer [Visitor]

TSB: every bra I possess is underwired. Soft cup bras (as the wireless variety are known) are for little girls and old women.

Fri 30th August 2013 @ 18:46
Comment from: Jonathan [Visitor]

That Dordogne line is quite priceless… Cheeky Les Dawsonesque end of the pier knockabout meets the arch and knowing repartee of the Lancaster Macrame Belt… you are possibly the only man writing in the English language today who could carry it off…

Sat 31st August 2013 @ 00:45
Comment from: [Member]

ahh, the underwire unleashed! glad you survived without losing an eye! had the boning wire on a corset blow out once at a rather inopportune moment… he wasn’t quite so lucky. fortunately, it didn’t require a trip to A&E…

Sat 31st August 2013 @ 04:09
Comment from: [Member]

J–Aw, I am honoured, but it’s just an old joke that came to mind.

DF–"Boning wire” – is that what’s it’s called? :)

Sat 31st August 2013 @ 09:59

Homer: Plese stop…you are exciting an older man’s fantasies.

colours?

Fri 6th September 2013 @ 09:57


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