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Not her

  Fri 14th February 2014

This post describes some possibly immoral, and undoubtedly duplicitous, behaviour.

I found some little glass fridge magnets on the internet, and they arrived in time, along with a card depicting two snails looking at an empty sellotape dispenser. "I know she's a tape dispenser. But I love her."

Trina was very pleased with both. We still need to have a chat about her not staying here so much, but today wasn't the day. Later, she sent me a Kahil Gibran poem which begins "Love one another, but make not a bond of love", which might indicate a step in the right direction.

Kim sent me a beautiful card, in which a tree had been cut out in intricate patterns to create a sentence suggesting that "we run away for a day, get drunk on air ... tell no-one." Inside she'd signed it tinily, in a corner: "Shall we?" I rang her this evening to thank her for it, although it was difficult to describe accurately, without gushing, the somersault I felt inside when I read it. I told her that I'd booked my railway tickets to go up to see her for a long weekend next month, during which I'll turn fifty.

One or two of you might remember Daniella, whom I met in August.

I walked into the Sun Hotel and glanced at a tall, blue-eyed blonde. She was wearing silver flatties and a blue shift dress that stopped a few inches short of her knees. I ignored her, thinking "it won't be her."

Last night I made a Valentines not-card out of a little stack of the very small Post-It notes--the ones about an inch square. Each note has maybe three or four words on it, which lead up to what I hope comes across as an understated suggestion that we could go for a drink some time. The last one is my number, in case she's mislaid it.

Daniella lives some miles up the valley. Although I have been to her house, I can't remember it exactly, but I know she's a regular in the local pub. I tucked my Post-It not-card inside a copy of The Journal of Economy and Society to keep it pristine, and took the bus up to her village.

Larry was also on the bus. He had an interview at a hotel for a commission-only sales position selling solar panels. He told me that when he was younger, people used to approach him in the street with modelling contracts but that was before he got his face slashed with a Stanley knife and that's why he can't stand any form of criminality now.

I got off the bus and checked how I looked in a car's window. I took the pretty tintinnabulation of the bell on the pub's door as a good omen. I was relieved to see that I would be doing my rehearsed performance in front of one person only--the landlady, who was writing the day's menu on the blackboard.

"Hello," I said. "A friend of mine has asked me to bring this up for one of your regulars, Daniella." A knowing smile came across her face as I lay the envelope between us. "You mean Daniella Newman?" I wasn't sure; we never got as far as surnames. "Er... mid-, late-fifties -- lives in the newish houses on P-- Lane." "Yes, Daniella Newman. I'll make sure she gets it," she said, smiling more broadly. "Thank you. My friend will be most grateful." I nodded, appreciative of her complicity.

I saw Larry again on the bus back. "What were you doing up there again?" he asked. "Oh, just a bit of advertising," which was true.


Comment from: Gossamer Beynon [Visitor]


(you know that heart-lurchy-somersaulty feeling you describe? Sounds a little like love to me… )

Sat 15th February 2014 @ 12:11
Comment from: looby [Visitor]

It’s a funny relationship, but one that suits us both. No sex (for some values of “sex"), only see her four or five times a year (although on the phone a lot). She has two or three other blokes on the go, at various registers. She’s my confidente, and I hers. I do like her a great deal and in an ideal world we’d live closer to each other. She’s sexy as fuck, and just as clever and funny.

Don’t quite know what label you’d put on that.

Sat 15th February 2014 @ 13:54
Comment from: furtheron [Visitor]

Girlfriend seems the label I’d use ;-)

Sat 15th February 2014 @ 19:39

Just imagine if this all works out as planned. What a mess! Be careful of what you wish for, etc.

Sat 15th February 2014 @ 20:33
Comment from: Leni Qinan [Visitor]

Well dear, you really know how to make life more exciting!

Do you think that friend of yours would be so nice to deliver an envelope with a similar suggestion to my local pub?

((Don’t forget your phone nº in the last post-it!))

Sat 15th February 2014 @ 21:39
Comment from: Hipster Yaya [Visitor]

I wonder if you have been blessed with the gift of ubiquity, Looby. You will need it if all these nice ladies accept your kind offers.

Sat 15th February 2014 @ 21:42
Comment from: [Member]

“Girlfriend” suggests something a bit more solid and regular, I think. “One of my girl friends” would work though, and would get me even more female acquaintances, because everyone would think I were gay.

Exile–I haven’t got a plan, it’s all just day by day. Kim and I will carry on just as we always have done, but what will happen with Trina and Daniella I don’t know.

Leni–I’m not sure that our bus company runs into ultramontane territory. P.S. I like your superscript.

HYY–"A man who does not contantly renew his acquaintances, will soon find himself alone” – Johnson.

Sat 15th February 2014 @ 21:56
Comment from: Hipster Yaya [Visitor]

Btw, I sent you a Valentine’s Card just to remind you that you’ve been one of my star finds in 2013.

Too bad instead of “looby” I typed “booby” in your email adress. Presbyopia is such a bad thing! :(

Maybe next year *sighs*

Sat 15th February 2014 @ 22:11
Comment from: [Member]

Oh don’t be so easily put off. It’s only Boxing Day. And I like girls in glasses.

Sat 15th February 2014 @ 22:25
Comment from: Hipster Yaya [Visitor]

Oh good thing then dear, expect a Valentine Card again in 2 months!


Sat 15th February 2014 @ 23:11
Comment from: [Member]

Que? :)

Sat 15th February 2014 @ 23:41
Comment from: Leni Qinan [Visitor]

((Thanks Looby. Let’s keep it secret, ok?))

PS.- Burdish buses won’t take you to the South Sandwich Islands, but Burdish Airways will.

Sat 15th February 2014 @ 23:56
Comment from: [Member]

Of course, Leni. It will be declared hors du débat. Speaking in person will have to wait I’m afraid. It was a bit of a push even to rustle up the bus fare the other day.

Sun 16th February 2014 @ 10:37
Comment from: Leni Qinan [Visitor]

Please don’t make me fly to Lancaster, Looby. I’m afraid of flying.

On another note, this post -and comments- just confirm how flirtatious you are. ;)

Sun 16th February 2014 @ 20:27
Comment from: Leni Qinan [Visitor]

Please don’t make me fly to Lancaster, Looby. I’m afraid of flying.

On another note, this post -and comments- just confirm how flirtatious you are. ;)

Sun 16th February 2014 @ 20:27
Comment from: Leni Qinan [Visitor]

(Don’t know what key did I hit, but just in case you didn’t hear me.)

Sun 16th February 2014 @ 20:29
Comment from: Hipster Yaya [Visitor]

*cleans glasses compulsively*

Sun 16th February 2014 @ 20:33
Comment from: [Member]

Well, I think as the weekend draws to a close I will invoke the local saying “fine words butter no parsnips” and round off this thread until such time as the Corporation extends its bus routes southwards a bit.

Sun 16th February 2014 @ 21:40
Comment from: PendleWitch [Visitor]

I love that saying! The first time my north-eastern boyfriend heard me say it, he thought I was making it up.

Mon 17th February 2014 @ 18:44
Comment from: [Member]

‘Tis a corker isn’t it? Never heard it until I moved to Lancaster.

Mon 17th February 2014 @ 19:17
Comment from: furtheron [Visitor]

“one of my girlfriends” Oh how that is a situation I could never aspire too!!!!

Tue 18th February 2014 @ 16:02
Comment from: [Member]

Course you can. You choose not to. You could start with that good-looking thirtysomething you mentioned the other day!

Tue 18th February 2014 @ 21:29

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looby, n.; pl. loobies. A lout; an awkward, stupid, clownish person

M / 59 / Bristol, "the most beautiful, interesting and distinguished city in England" -- John Betjeman [1961, source eludes me].

"Looby is a left-wing intellectual who is obsessed with a) women's clothes and b) tits." -- Joy of Bex.

WLTM literate woman, 40-65. Must have nice tits, a PhD, and an mdma factory in the shed, although the first on its own will do in the short term.

There are plenty of bastards who drink moderately. Of course, I don't consider them to be people. They are not our comrades.
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