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How to say this?

  Wed 19th February 2014

These rare times, living in a shared house, when you can breathe freely for an hour, are precious. Tom's at the Uni, and Tess has gone to see Ned off on a 12-hour journey back home to Cornwall, where he's staying "for a few weeks" (we'll see). It must have been difficult for him, moving all that way just to follow Tess and her academic interests, and Lancaster isn't the easiest place to gain an entrée. It's not like Brighton or Edinburgh; we're not that interested in strangers and fun meet-ups. We're comfortable as we are, thanks. But I remember what it was like when that didn't include me.


I'm going to Kim's for a long weekend soon. I spent some time on the internet getting the fare down from the £60 it is, if you just type in "Lancaster to Kimtown", to £21. I paid for the tickets and all is well. Her Valentines card and its invitation, is to my right on the chest of drawers.

Yesterday evening, she sends an email with the subject "Erm... how to say this?" Apparently one of her long-standing friends has invited himself over for a night. I've never met him before. She asks me if that would be OK, apologising for the situation. I rang her to discuss it but she was entertaining.

I'm not in the least bit jealous of her boyfriends and lovers; neither am I interested in them beyond the extent she chooses to tell me about them. The Sunday of the weekend will be my fiftieth birthday, and I was immensely looking forward to having her to myself. I never know quite what's going to happen with Kim, but out of the everyday--walks round the neglected rec and drinking cheap Polish lager on the swings, afternoons in the coarsest and funniest pubs, a dire Indian takeaway (the Indian in Kimtown, you have to take your own flavourings with you to add afterwards)--I always end up feeling very close to her. I love being in bed with her. I find it thrilling and intimate, and I feel the most privileged man alive.

I (sort of) understand the position Kim's in, and I do not want to create another job for her during the weekend, of having to cope with my displeasure. But I fucking wish with all my heart that he wasn't going to be there.

So I will banish my irritation and go along with her proposal that he comes over on the Saturday night. I'm not possessive about Kim, but I like our time together--which is hardly any, a few days a year--to be uninterrupted. It'll either wrench the weekend out of shape, or we'll get on and it'll take on a welcome and unexpected quality.


Last night I was round at Kirsty's. Two of my daughters had been at a street dance workshop. Kirsty said to them "So, there was only you two, and a fat farter?"

12 comments

Do you think it was a veiled request asking you to back off? Does she want some space with this bloke?

Wed 19th February 2014 @ 12:42
Comment from: looby [Visitor]

No, I really don’t think so. She would have said if that were the case. She’s not one to fence things or give inscrutable womanly hints. I’ll know a bit more tonight after I’ve spoken to her.

Wed 19th February 2014 @ 13:11
Comment from: [Member]

Right–been on the phone to Kim.

She said that she mentioned our weekend of merriment to Bob, just in conversation, saying –lying– that it was going to be at mine, but a day or two later it came out that it was actually going to be in Kimtown, (how?) and he invited himself over for a night.

Kim says that he’s an old friend and it was difficult to say no. I’m surprised at Kim for that–usually she’s straightforward to a fault. However, she reckons it’s quite likely that he won’t actually turn up, as he’s quite disorganised.

I said that to be honest, I’d rather have had her to myself, but that I am quite capable of being amiable and sociable when required and I will go into it with an open mind and at least from my side everything will go smoothly.

Which is all very well to say now, but on the wrong side of an insufflated smorgasbord of Refreshers and Spangles (right side, surely?–Ed.), it’s more difficult to be urbane.

I’m fucked off about this. The other card I could play, if it’s not working out, would be to leave them to it that night and say I really ought to pop over for a couple of hours to my parents, who live about 30 miles from Kimtown. Mind you that’d mean I’d have to face my Mum and Dad when I’m off my face, which evokes a vista of a catastrophe too dreadful even to imagine.

Thu 20th February 2014 @ 00:39
Comment from: furtheron [Visitor]

You know I read your posts and marvel at your complicated life - with a huge amount of jealousy and regret - my life has rare if ever had this level of intrigue - I couldn’t have coped if it had frankly.

I can’t offer advice only admire from a distance!

Word very is raz - which is apt… also second spooky one today so far…. queue Hitchcock music and a sinister shadow at the patio door

Thu 20th February 2014 @ 10:44

You could pop over for a couple of hours to your parents or you could put your head on a train track.

I’m with Graham. I live vicariously through these posts. My life might be satisfying, but it’ll never be this exciting or complicated (in the good way) again.

Thu 20th February 2014 @ 12:23
Comment from: Leni Qinan [Visitor]

Oh dear, these are the joys of not being able to say NO -I mean Kim-. Does she really know how much spending the weekend of your 50th birthday with her means to you? I just hope the guy doesn’t show this weekend.

Thu 20th February 2014 @ 15:08
Comment from: [Member]

Me too Leni. It’s not this weekend though, this weekend is going to be ace–full reports later. The gang are landing in a few hours for for Kitty and Chris’s birthdays do here at number 44, then straight afterwards, tomorrow, me and Trina are off to a weekend of house music in the Detroit of Lancashire – Leyland.

Fri 21st February 2014 @ 09:42
Comment from: [Member]

it’s good that you were able to be honest with Kim… and i’m sure she was being honest as well. Suspect it’s her ‘old friend’ who is being a bit disingenuous - throwing the proverbial poo in the punchbowl, and probably quite deliberate.

Sat 22nd February 2014 @ 00:30
Comment from: Hipster Yaya [Visitor]

Any news about Kim’s friend?

I don’t wish him any specific harm but that before he takes the train to Kimtown he gets trapped in a room with a zombie or is abducted by an alien spacecraft.

Sun 23rd February 2014 @ 20:24
Comment from: [Member]

DF–well, I don’t know the bloke so I don’t know what his intentions are. I do however, know that it is not on to invite yourself along like that.

HYY–no not yet – the weekend I’m talking about won’t happen till towards the end of March. Thank you for the wishes about his fate. I’m hoping he will be as unreliable as Kim has told me he can be.

Sun 23rd February 2014 @ 21:41
Comment from: young at heart [Visitor]

ooh I feel your pain…..good luck with banishing the irritation…..open heart open mind who knows where it might lead!!

Thu 27th February 2014 @ 13:46
Comment from: [Member]

The good bit of weekends spent with Kim is that neither of us has to be on best social behaviour. It’s a time when we don’t have to perform the tiresome social niceities. I really hope he’s terribly ill that weekend.

Thu 27th February 2014 @ 16:24


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