Gay Nazi Sex Vicar in Schoolgirl Knickers Vice Disco Lawnmower Shock!
« Goulash at gunpointI know nothing »

Present perfect

  Fri 26th January 2018

Oh Lord above,
who hath, in thy infinite kindness,
bestowed upon our fair city of Astana,
in our beloved country of the fermented milk of the mare
and verily unto the meat of her bottom,
the blessed coldness of minus 35.
And thus hath moved your agent here on Earth,
to issue a decree
that all places of instruction be closed,
and rest be given to the instructors therein,
We beseech thee, almighty Father,
that thy graciousness be extended another day,
and another day,
and another,
e'en unto the weekend.
For thine is the snow, the wind and the skiving,
for ever and ever, or at least until Friday,

It worked, and I've had a doss of a week. School's been closed because of the cold, but I went in for half of today to help plan a special public lesson the English Department's doing about "ecological problems." They mean environmental ones but one doesn't want to be awkward three weeks in.

I'd been told that I'd be working with Hira. I couldn't place her; Kazakh names are difficult to remember. Lidia introduced me to her. "Hello!" I said. Black straight hair to just below her shoulders with a parting slightly set to the left, black top with black sequins, undone black jacket, tight black trousers and little black boots with a blocked one-inch heel, and most of all, her dark green eyes.

We went downstairs into, for me, a hitherto undiscovered staff room. Some tall grey metal lockers, a couple of tables, and a tempting sofa made for horizontal Anglo-Kazakh snogging.

She talked volubly, and the notes she made were a mess. Both endeared her to me: conscientiousness at work makes me uneasy. In the canteen, Svetlana, the other English teacher, had had a younging haircut and was wearing a groovy orange short-sleeved dress.

Nice Other Teacher came in with an excellent and unusual ensemble of a straight calf-length dress with black squares of various sizes on a grey ground, with a long-sleeved light open jacket of the same pattern. It was clashing enough to avoid being a twin-set but harmonious enough to have my grateful eyes roaming over it in a way that I hope was inoffensively brief, yet noticed.

She doesn't speak much English, but from little more than a foot away, she stopped and looked straight at me. "Hello," she said. "Hello, I smiled back. "How are you?" Lidia's already told me she's single. The day was starting to feel like a set-up for flirting.

Until misery guts Soviet maths teacher turned up, refusing to make this the day when she broke her silence towards me. I am going to grind her into a "good morning" with relentless manners; then once I've done that, make her jealous with my flirting with Hira, Svetlana, and Nice Other Teacher and make her crispy cuntflaps unstiffen for the first time in years.

While I was there, I ran off a few photocopies of something to teach the present perfect. I reckon that Keith acquiring a tash has landed him in a form of the present perfect that he's been longing to tell people about for years.


Comment from: Jo [Visitor]

Am loving hearing about your adventures! Great that you are posting more often,

Sat 27th January 2018 @ 03:52 Reply to this comment
Comment from: looby [Visitor]

Thanks Jo – glad you’re still hanging around! Looks like you’re doing well too over there. Nice to see you.

Sat 27th January 2018 @ 09:58 Reply to this comment
Comment from: kono [Visitor]

I’ll keep this short and to the point… fucking lucky bastard!!! lol. Hira sounds delightful.

Sun 28th January 2018 @ 20:04 Reply to this comment
Comment from: looby [Visitor]

She looks like she should have been Suzi Quatro’s keyboardist. But she’s too young. Difficult to place but late 30s maybe. A bit of a snog would be lovely. We can dream can’t we?

Sun 28th January 2018 @ 20:22 Reply to this comment
Comment from: daisyfae [Visitor]

Delighted that you’ve found your first Khazak Krush? Even better is that you are going to flirt with purpose - charm all of those women with intent to frost the Soviet dominatrix!

Sun 28th January 2018 @ 22:26 Reply to this comment
Comment from: looby [Visitor]

Once you stop flirting, it’s resignation to death really.

Sun 28th January 2018 @ 22:53 Reply to this comment

Suzi Quatro! 48 Crash! My first concert ever. She opened for Alice Cooper. Ahhhh…

You find the late 30s to be too young? Or she’s too immature? Is that what you mean? I would think late 30s is the sweet spot. In the ‘now’ pic, everyone looks dissatisfied. Just like real life!

Mon 29th January 2018 @ 17:38 Reply to this comment
Comment from: looby [Visitor]

No she’s not immature, I just thought she’d consider me too old – although it’s only perhaps a decade. Nothing wrong with that in my book!

I was thinking that David might have smacked Jack one to get the message across about Monica as well. Jane’s pissed off that after a few promising dates, Keith has come to a realisation of that which he cannot deny, and Jack – from the state of his nose – has turned to drink over losing Monica, who has made a mental note that she cannot keep going out in the same dress for ever.

Mon 29th January 2018 @ 20:36 Reply to this comment
Comment from: Furtheron [Visitor]

Your current adventures sound terrific fun… except the cold! To hell with that!

There’s so much shattered illusion between your set of facial hair and haircut changing gang to keep an entire class going all year!

Tue 30th January 2018 @ 15:28 Reply to this comment
Comment from: looby [Visitor]

There is Furtheron – you could teach a whole lot more than tenses from that picture :)

Here’s to getting shot of that terrible sounding Meniere’s!

Tue 30th January 2018 @ 20:55 Reply to this comment
Comment from: Leslie Philips [Visitor]  

Keith ,Jane and Jack were in a FMM swingers arrangement when Jack’s attempt at a spit roast went disastrously
wrong .
His otherwise tactically astute effort of reconciliation turned Keith and Jane against each other.
Monica is delighted that David has removed his beard as it stuck like Velcro when muff-diving.

Wed 31st January 2018 @ 05:30 Reply to this comment
Comment from: Eryl [Visitor]

You have found flirting companions, hurrah! But do be careful, by which I mean make sure Hira doesn’t have a violently protective cousin or something before you snog her.

I don’t think I can imagine what minus 35 feels like, I find plus 5 bad enough.

Mon 5th February 2018 @ 03:55 Reply to this comment
Comment from: [Member]

There are endless riches to be mined from that picture Lesley I’d love to find out it’s deliberately done as an in-joke for EFL teachers.

Unfortunately, Hira has alluded to the presence of someone else. I’m not surprised. She’s charming and attractive, and attractively disorganised.

Tue 6th February 2018 @ 19:25 Reply to this comment
Comment from: Eryl [Visitor]


Tue 6th February 2018 @ 22:37 Reply to this comment
Comment from: [Member]

Tis a bit.

Tue 6th February 2018 @ 22:56 Reply to this comment

Form is loading...

looby, n.; pl. loobies. A lout; an awkward, stupid, clownish person

M / 60 / Bristol, "the most beautiful, interesting and distinguished city in England" -- John Betjeman [1961, source eludes me].

"Looby is a left-wing intellectual who is obsessed with a) women's clothes and b) tits." -- Joy of Bex.

WLTM literate woman, 40-65. Must have nice tits, a PhD, and an mdma factory in the shed, although the first on its own will do in the short term.

There are plenty of bastards who drink moderately. Of course, I don't consider them to be people. They are not our comrades.
Sergei Korovin, quoted in Pavel Krusanov, The Blue Book of the Alcoholic

I am here to change my life. I am here to force myself to change my life.
Chinese man I met during Freshers Week at Lancaster University, 2008

The more democratised art becomes, the more we recognise in it our own mediocrity.
James Meek

Tell me, why is it that even when we are enjoying music, for instance, or a beautiful evening, or a conversation in agreeable company, it all seems no more than a hint of some infinite felicity existing apart somewhere, rather than actual happiness – such, I mean, as we ourselves can really possess?
Turgenev, Fathers and Sons

I hate the iPod; I hate the idea that music is such a personal thing that you can just stick some earplugs in your ears and have an experience with music. Music is a social phenomenon.
Jeremy Wagner

La vie poetique has its pleasures, and readings--ideally a long way from home--are one of them. I can pretend to be George Szirtes.
George Szirtes

Using words well is a social virtue. Use 'fortuitous' once more to mean 'fortunate' and you move an English word another step towards the dustbin. If your mistake took hold, no-one who valued clarity would be able to use the word again.
John Whale

One good thing about being a Marxist is that you don't have to pretend to like work.
Terry Eagleton, What Is A Novel?, Lancaster University, 1 Feb 2010

The working man is a fucking loser.
Mick, The Golden Lion, Lancaster, 21 Mar 2011

The Comfort of Strangers

23.1.16: Big clearout of the defunct and dormant and dull
16.1.19: Further pruning

If your comment box looks like this, I'm afraid I sometimes can't be bothered with all that palarver just to leave a comment.

63 mago
Another Angry Voice
the asshat lounge
Clutter From The Gutter
Eryl Shields Ink
Exile on Pain Street
Fat Man On A Keyboard
gairnet provides: press of blll defunct, but retained for its quality
George Szirtes ditto
Infomaniac [NSFW]
The Joy of Bex
Laudator Temporis Acti
Leeds's Singing Organ-Grinder
The Most Difficult Thing Ever
Strange Flowers
Trailer Park Refugee
Wonky Words

"Just sit still and listen" - woman to teenage girl at Elliott Carter weekend, London 2006

Bristol New Music
Desiring Progress Collection of links only
The Rambler
Resonance FM
Sequenza 21
Sound and Music
Talking Musicology defunct, but retained

  XML Feeds

Bootstrap back-end

©2024 by looby. Don't steal anything or you'll have a 9st arts graduate to deal with.

Contact | Help | Blog theme by Asevo | Community software