Bristol -- London -- Paris -- Bergen -- Oslo -- Paris - Middlesbrough

Helen did not seem to appreciate your willingness to bankrupt your account to assist her in a time of trouble. Clearing out the wine was bad enough, but an OPEN MIC NIGHT?!? She owes you money for that…

She’s under a lot of stress and she’s earning hardly anything at the moment.

And the open mic night was far better than anything I’ve endured in England. They seem to have a bit of quality control in who they let perform, rather than it being a combination of a mental outpatients’ social centre and a place where incompetence on your instrument is no bar to being allowed to inflict your dreary pop covers on other people.

Your travel journals are the best. It’d be great if you monitized these. Do you like traveling or do you find it uncomfortable? I like it. My brother has never left the state of Ohio. It’s hard to believe we’re related.

How did you miss your flight?

I love travelling. I love being in aiports, I love the feeling of being in a suspended time – or rather, out of time. If my numbers came up I’d just keep buying cheap airline tickets, getting past security, and just staying there, eating, drinking, writing and sleeping.

I missed my flight because I can’t work out how to use my posh so-called “smart” phone that I borrowed from work. I thought I’d put an alarm on for 4am but alarm there was none.

Next time you go to Norway Looby (assuming Helen lets you in/you want to go/the price of drink doesn’t put us both off).. take me with you. I can act as your translator, as I have it on authority of a good friend of mine and native of Chester Le Street that Norwegian is basically very strong Geordie dialect. He didn’t think he spoke a word of it till he got there but then spent a very pleasant weekend conversing in apparently native phrases such as ‘ahm gannin yem noo teh see me bairns’ and ‘a strite five pund for a pint- are yee kiddin noo marra?’. I might have made that second one up- its actually Swedish.

I can believe you. All English people already know at least a hundred words in Norwegian and what with bits that one picks up from films etc I don’t think it would be that hard tolearn. It’s a pretty language too, friendly and a bit silly sounding.

Helen’s gone worryingly quiet, which I hope doesn’t mean she’s improving her Norwegian in prison.

Expensive bars are shite!! lol!! somewhere on the lounge i believe there is a tale about our young hero ripping high on lsd while sitting in a posh bar… and oddly enough this reminds me on an old girlfriend who thought she was Kate Pierson from the B-52s and used to drag me around to karaoke bars, where i had a tendency to eat acid and would sit grinning until i couldn’t take it anymore until i’d clandestinely slip out the side door and wander the streets until she found me and drove me home, usually with a quality shag in the back of her car, oh the things we do for lust ;)

and a Norwegian who doesn’t know Knausgaard? that’s akin to a fucking unicorn now innit?

Oh I’d love to have sex whilst on acid. I mean sex with someone else :)

Did seem odd, her not knowing about the author K. Perhaps it’s some kind of very specialist house they intend to set up. I had a phone call with her the following day and she was sound and intelligent, which made it even more baffling. There you go. What I will remember most is the fucking 10 quid pints.