Small improvements

I went to Lancaster just for one day, to see Fitbit. The day and early evening fell into an old pattern. The first theme, and the longest, far exceeding the point at which a development or modulation would be welcome, is The New Boyfriend.

A more interesting and varied one follows, albeit with many quotes from, and variations on, the first appearing within it. The coda comes suddenly when The Old Boyfriend turns up. At which point I am ignored -- with the occasional sop in which she pops over and asks me if I am alright. Once your friend is repeatedly asking you that, the evening's over. I was irritated, but managed not to mention it, and made my farewells friendly this time.

Talking to Kim a couple of days later, she was describing the boorish behaviour of the pub landlord with whom she had a dalliance a few weeks ago, and said "I don't expect much. The bar's quite low for a boyfriend of mine." "So I fail to make even that, do I?" I didn't say. The little injuries we can inflict on each other with not the slightest malice aforethought.

Kitty sent me a card, saying that whilst she's still my friend, she has to keep me at arm's length for a while. She's overloaded with work and she's got her daughter to think about. She said that for the time being, she can't be doing with such a high maintenance friend.

It ended optimistically though. She said she'd like me to be her "equal, for fun times and confidences." My heart did a little leap at that. And what I have to do is so simple: "Just be a decent person when we meet."

I sent her a letter, partly thanking her for yet another act of undeserved generosity, but mainly aiming at something anecdotal and light. A couple of days later some friendly "night night" type texts. And to end the week, Wendy texted. "...I couldn't fall out with you for long, even though you can be such a tit Xxx." The high I felt from that was drug-like.

But why stick to drug-like? I began the microdosing experiment yesterday. I followed the dosage midpoint recommended by James Fadiman, the psychiatrist who pioneered research into therapeutic uses of microdosing. It started with a familiar slight weakness in the legs and a mild wooziness, a desire to nest into a thick quilt with a cup of tea and a cow biscuit.

A couple of hours in and I was texting Wendy, who was round at her dad's, with brief updates on progress. "No, not by any means wasted but I think I'll reduce it in the future. It's just a bit too lovely :) Like you! Xxx" "The giggles are looming. This is definitely too high, in more ways than one! ... Everything seems a bit comical."

A couple of hours later I had to go to work, where I successfully tiptoed through a bit of a minefield. I was serving four Jewish property developers who wanted to pay by card, except that I didn't have a card machine available, so I asked them if they could rustle up the cash, whilst silently resisting the urge to make any jokes about four Jews being short of money.