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Teenage Fan Club

  Sun 21st May 2023

I've now been handed over to the care of a more personable dentist than the unsmiling Brazilian consultant. She has bursting hair which is artfully wound into long weaves. She's African or West Indian, or both, and doesn't mind her breasts being in touch with the back of my head as I lay horizontally agape, knowing that there's nothing sexual in it for either of us.

She injected me several times around my gums. I like the pinning, the silvery, sliding feel of the metal going in. I started laughing when she said "if it feels too sensitive, we've got more" -- a combination of nerves, the overtones of what might feel "sensitive", the druggy suggestion of having more, and the effects of the adrenaline that's part of the serum.

When I left, with dribble dropping uncontrollably onto my trousers, I unbottled the farts that always arise at the dentist's, trumpeting carelessly as I walked up Union Street. "Union", a rousing, imperial word to accompany trumpeting anal noises. I only lacked a proper brass section.


The train in front of us broke down the other day and there was a three-hour-long confusion whilst other people had to sort out what to do with a hundred passengers stuck at Shrewsbury.

Our train was standing on one side of the platform and on the other, a few dozen mainly mid- to late-teenage girls, skirted and bloused, restless.

They noticed me and the guard on the train and waved at us. I waved back. There was an exchange of hand signals, as I made bodily gestures back saying "yes, I know" pointing my hand at my chest then turning my palms upwards towards them and tilting my head to the side, trying to sympathise with them. They were bearing up well, not knowing when their train would leave. They returned with blown kisses and heart shapes with their hands.

After a few minutes, our cross-platform semaphore had to cease as our train eased off, running empty -- just me, the guard, and the driver -- to our depot. The girls started running up the platform with more kisses and hearts. At the end of the platform, I could only wave, as they did back.

8 comments

Comment from: Scarlet [Visitor]

Did you have a tooth out? Or was it filled??? Details!!!
Funny when you’re young, you can get away with any sort of behaviour - if I did the semaphore thing now I’d probably be led away by kindly people in white coats.
Sx

Mon 22nd May 2023 @ 12:18 Reply to this comment
Comment from: looby [Visitor]

Not yet – I’ve the delightful prospect of no fewer than four extractions coming up. The cupful of anaesthetic was for a very vigorous clean-up and a “pocket test", which involves poking at my teeth with a pointy metal thing. Unpleasant, but am paying the price for decades of neglect (and of course, not having had an NHS dentist for years).

Tue 23rd May 2023 @ 22:32 Reply to this comment
Comment from: 63mago [Visitor]

I once went to female dentist, who was not only very good at her job (and she had a lot to do in my mouth), but because of her eyes. She had the most wonderful eyes of the whole damn earth, with little golden stars in her pupillae. It was mesmerizing, I did not want it to end.

Mon 22nd May 2023 @ 21:00 Reply to this comment
Comment from: looby [Visitor]

Well that sounds lovely. I wonder if she was aware of the effect she was having on you?

Tue 23rd May 2023 @ 22:33 Reply to this comment
Comment from: exile on pain street [Visitor]

I don’t recall seeing Wendy mentioned for quite some time. The more that things change, etc.

Is there a better name for a pub than The Old Shipbuilder’s Arm?

Here in the US, we would say you crop dusted Union Street.

My nephew recently shared photos of his high school prom. The girls were stunning. I don’t remember them dressing so provocatively and mature back in 1977. Then I was overwhelmed with a shame. I’m an filthy old sod. They’re really still just children, regardless of their packaging, and I might be old enough to be a grandfather to them.

I miss blogging. Miss talking to everyone. But I just don’t have it in me. I’ve always been bad at manufacturing enthusiasm. I can’t. It’s why I never got far.

Fri 26th May 2023 @ 01:30 Reply to this comment
Comment from: looby [Visitor]

Well… the pub might not exactly be called The Old Shipbuilder’s Armpit – I just want to give the place a bit of privacy. But it’s holding out well as one of the very few remaining old-fashioned boozers of Lancaster.

Yes, the girls on the train, even (or because?) they were in their school uniforms did have that terrible, red light sexiness about them. But as the remark attributed to Frank Sinatra goes “they can’t put in jail for what goes on in your head.”

Always nice to see you round though Exile.

Fri 26th May 2023 @ 17:48 Reply to this comment
Comment from: kono [Visitor]

Ah adventures in dentistry!!! though you sly masochist loving the needle int the gums, that’s the one part i can do without… though the nitrous oxide is always pleasant and my favorite dentists dole out sweeties after the appointment… meaning lovely prescriptions that take away the pain ;)

It’s always great to connect with the kids, lol! you charming old man ;) apparently i’m a big hit with Disaster’s friends, he even said to me one day that he wanted to be like me when he grew up, lol! cuz all his friends thought i was “cool"… i told him be careful what he wished for!!

Fri 26th May 2023 @ 13:49 Reply to this comment
Comment from: looby [Visitor]

Over here it’s more adrenaline and lignocaine rather than nitrous oxide, but you can always go down the park and buy the latter :)

I’m not surprised Disaster’s friends think you’re cool – that’s a nice position to be in!

Fri 26th May 2023 @ 17:50 Reply to this comment


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