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Sit down next to me

  Thu 8th June 2023

I tried sitting under a tree in the park. I had the second volume of David Kynaston's history of post-war Britain and a couple of bottles of cider.

A bra-heightened fortyish woman walked on the footpath in front of me with her shoulders back, hair all shimmering, her lovely tits forward, relaxed. White shirt. She returned my look, smiled at me, and carried on sashaying past.

Alas, an aggressive hay fever drove me home snotting, weeping, phelgming and itching. Mixed excrescences running down my cheeks at the pedestrian crossing; wiping my nose on my sleeve, too stuffed with pollen to care what it looked like.


As I was working the train yesterday, my supervisor rings, asking me if I could go to C--- today to be shown how to use the ramps to get disabled people on to the new trains that are to be Transport That Fails's saviour. And then do my normal shift.

I agreed to this, thinking I was a manful negotiator for asking for three-and-a-half hours overtime, whilst knowing in my head that it was wrong. In my bed last night, I seethed and wriggled, irritated with my weakness in not saying "hang on, it's either the training in C--- or my shift, not both." So as a way of punishing them for their audacity, I rang them at half eight this morning with a story about a collapsed toilet in the flat above me.

A few months ago someone's toilet shifted as he was sat on it, rupturing the flimsy floor on which it was anchored. A solution of his shit and piss dripped into the communal room downstairs for hours until anyone went in there and discovered the leak. I adapted the story for my own purposes, saying that I would have to stay in for the contractor. Everyone knows it's a lie.


Mel is away for a couple of weeks in Greece at a wedding, so armed with Loratidine and something for the journey, I am off to Poynton in Cheshire, to look at a roundabout. It's one of those things that men do when their girlfriends aren't around.

My interest in it arose from a fascinating Lancaster Civic Society talk about it years ago, which explained how the village's main crossroads were in desperate need of something that considered the safety of its inhabitants, above all, its pedestrians. I've always wanted to see the results for myself. The junction could hardly have been any worse before the alterations, as you can see from the opening minute or so of this youtube video about it, made shortly after its completion. I'd like to see how it's faring, a decade later.

And after an afternoon's hard work examining roundabout remodelling developments in Cheshire, I'm up to Manchester for pizza and beer with my middle daughter -- which is a more attractive pair of jobs in one day than the two that my employer was trying to get me to do.

8 comments

Comment from: Scarlet [Visitor]

But what about your teeth???!!!! You promised a post about dental woes!!
Though it’s curious to find out about your roundabout habit.
Sx

Fri 9th June 2023 @ 06:42 Reply to this comment
Comment from: monkey man [Visitor]  

Would you consider renaming your august organ Tits, Trains & Traffic Lights?

Fri 9th June 2023 @ 09:30 Reply to this comment
Comment from: looby [Visitor]

Do you know, the second I uploaded that post I remember that I hadn’t mentioned my three-hour-long dental appointment. Perhaps my mind is subcoinsciously wanting to erase the memory. Next time!

Fri 9th June 2023 @ 21:08 Reply to this comment
Comment from: looby [Visitor]

That might align it better with the material, yes, Trev.

Fri 9th June 2023 @ 21:10 Reply to this comment
Comment from: kono [Visitor]

Leave it to me to come up with the important questions but… this man who shifted and broke the floor/toilet… is he a very large man? or was it a rotted floor?

And isn’t it lovely how the powers that be (employers) always seem to want you to do “extra", all my employers have found out rather quickly i don’t do shite for free or out of the goodness of my heart cuz i could give fuck-all about their business, a classic work to live not live to work type guy me (and you my good sir)… when i hear muppets in Merica boasting about “grinding and hustling” (the only good is hustle is illegal i my book ;) i shake my head, no use explaining they’re suckers for the capitalist pig-dogs, lol!

Mon 12th June 2023 @ 14:29 Reply to this comment
Comment from: looby [Visitor]

Exactly kono, I’m not doing anything over and above. I’m not interested in overtime. I could tell you a few tales which prove how Transport That Fails don’t give a shit about us, so that kind of attitude can go both ways.

No, the lad whose toilet gave way is a dead nice old fellah, as thing as a lath. It’s the floors here that are the problem. They creak all the time. I once apologised to the people in the flat downstairs (who must have heard a fair bit of wanking as well) and they said it’s not your fault, it’s these crap floors, they’ve not been done right. They said they’d told the Housing Association about it once and they said “they can put another layer of carpet down.” The block looks nice but it’s jerry built.

And thank goodness we both know people who know how to do the right kind of hustle! All the best mate, it’s so lovely and warm here now of an evening, wish I could teleport you here for a couple of outdoor pints.

Mon 12th June 2023 @ 20:56 Reply to this comment
Comment from: Tony Lea [Visitor]  

Love the fact there was a video all about the roundabout.
Now call me a cynic but all the spin on the competed roundabout was what an excellent job they had done to integrate everything what was the reality Looby?.

Sat 1st July 2023 @ 10:30 Reply to this comment
Comment from: Looby [Visitor]

Hello Tony, hello everyone from southern Brittany.

The two “roundels” that are placed diagonally across the junction have almost worn away now, so drivers simply drive slowly and revert to the usual rule of priority from the right. I tried crossing the junction a few times and it wasn’t as relaxing an experience as is shown towards the end of the yt video. It’s definitely an improvement, but the traffic through Poynton is still really heavy.

In the pub afterwards, when I raised the subject of the roundabout with some of the locals, they said that the real improvement has been the completion of the by-pass.

Sat 1st July 2023 @ 11:52 Reply to this comment


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